A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been undecided on my feelings for my ex since we broke up in october, I've known for a long time that I don't love him, but we've fooled around every now and then when he's between girlfriends and we get on fantastically, he's one of the only people I know who really gets me. Anyway, I've been unable to make a decision as to what I want our relationship to be for a long time now, through fear of rejection, or cutting him out of my life. But recently someone at college has been showing an interest in me who is incredibly compatible with me, but I haven't been physically attracted to him until now. When my ex and I were still together he was jealous of the college guy because I sat next to him in psychology. I'm still not sure if I like college guy as more than a friend now, but I'm 80% sure he's attracted to me and I know (as does everyone else) that we would make a fantastic couple.This morning my ex boyfriend talked to me online, saying he's single again. We flirted a lot and agreed to meet up and fool around in the next couple of days, and we left it that he would give me a call when he's free. Now I'm torn between my ex, the guy who I know better than anyone else and who's interesting and unique, and this guy at college who's chubby and hairy but a really nice guy and very compatable (also he's a virgin and I'm sexually active which I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not). I've made the decision to talk to my ex about whether we should take our 'sex buddies' thing further, and if he says no then I'll turn my attention to the college guy. I know I sound like a horrible person, but having this guy as a safety net has given me the final push to actually tell my ex how I feel without feeling as though it's all or nothing, in that if I'm rejected then it's the end of the world. But my problem is how to tell my ex how I feel. I feel now is as good a time as any, as he's now got a stable job and a roof over his head (we broke up because he didn't have them and was depressed) and he's just got out of a relationship which is the complete opposite to how his relationship with me is (or was when we were together) and I'm sick to death of sitting on the fence over him. I have a habit of losing myself with this guy, and may back out of telling him as it would break the mood. How do I tell him subtly but still getting the message across? And should I tell him about the other guy? Should I tell him that the college guy is the guy he was jealous of?Sorry this is so long, I feel the info is necessary for accurate advice
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broke up, depressed, flirt, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): This just goes to demonstrate, once again, that broken up is just that: over, ended, finished and once finished, you both go your separate ways and don't "fool around" - otherwise, why did you break up to begin with?
Either tell your ex what you want - a full, complete relationship again, or end it COMPLETELY AND FINALLY.
I agree with Angeloflove - and you said it yourself - that your ex wants you for sex when he's "between girlfriends." That doesn't speak well of him, nor of you for allowing him to use you in this way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): You tell him exactly how you've told us here. Otherwise like AngelOfLove has said, separate yourself from your ex and go after the guy you're more fond of.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (19 January 2007):
 My advice is cut off ex from your life completly, he is just using you (even if he likes you, he also enjoys using you for sex). You want more and he doesn't. The longer you continue this way, the more hurt you will feel later and your self esteem will drop.
Take some time before getting envolved with college guy. Not fair on him as you are still on rebound and still are into your ex.
Good luck x
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