A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been good friends for a year and a half and have been dating seriously for 3 months. I'm 25, out of college with a full-time job and he's 24, in grad school (and won't finish for a year and a half--he can't transfer). We live 2,000 miles apart and can only afford ($$ and time off of work) to see each other once a month...if we're lucky.My problems are: 1) I don't want to freak him out (since I got to the "I'm totally in love with you" stage way early) and 2) we live ridiculously far apart and long-distance relationships are hard.He says he loves me and can deal with the distance til he's done with school and then he wants us to live together. But I don't think I can--I hate being this far away from him. When I suggested moving to his city in 6 months, he said I'd hate it there (I probably would--I'd be moving from L.A. to Ohio). How do we make a long-distance relationship work? How can I tell him that I'm dying to move within driving distance of him (a city about a 5 hour drive from his) without freaking him out? I've never done the serious relationship thing and I'm terrified I'm going to screw it up--I'd have a hard enough time with this if we lived in the same city, so the long-distance thing is messing with my head.Anybody? Help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): Hello, Anon. You hit the mark when you said that long distance relationships are hard. Believe me, I know. I know this is very personal for you, but your situation is very common. Many have been there. In simple fact, some relationships make it and most do not. But it is really the people involved who determine this. He may be truly concerned that you would not like being where he is now and is afraid it might cloud your whole feeling about the relationship. He may also feel it might be disappointing to you that he could not spend as much time with you as you would expect. Grad school is very time consuming for those serious about it. Been there, done that, too. I can't give you much more than to think seriously about it and be open to his fealings/fears. If you know in your own mind that it would help the relationship, and are willing to make all the changes in your own life, at least temporarily, then go for it and do your best to convince him. But do be prepared for those adjustments. Best wishes. Tom
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