A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so before I get into my dilemma, Let me just start off by saying I know what I did was dumb, and wrong, but now I need help... So only those with actual advice answer. Please no judgments...I am currently separated (3mos) from my husband. When this whole thing started I had a friend which I leaned on a lot. It is a guy... And I knew that this guy had feelings for me and cared about me, but I did not have feelings for him other than being his friend. Well things changed and somehow we started dating... And this guy is head over heels for me. I have met his family and we spend almost every day together. And I have actually begun to have some strong feelings for him as well. My problem is, I think it's all moving a bit too fast. How do I tell him I need time to myself without hurting him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 April 2012):
 Sadly there is nothing magic about it.
"bob I really really like you, more than like, but I'm freshly out of a relationship right now and I need more time alone for just me to focus on becoming the best person I can be. I'm not saying we can't be friends and I'm not saying we won't be together but I need more space than we are currently giving me. It's not your fault, I'm just as guilty...."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): You just tell him, there's no secret way of doing it.
OP you sound very much like you're on the rebound if you ask me and you need to be very careful. You went straight from your husband to this guy without any time in between to gather your thoughts. You went from the intensity of your separation straight into dating this guy and you really just cannot know whether your feelings for him are real or whether this is the residual effects of your break up and him being a feeder of the feelings left after that.
You see break ups leave a massive emotional hole that needs to be filled before you start dating again and if you have that filled by someone else instead then you haven't actually gotten over those feelings just found a way of satisfying them with someone else. Feelings that are not actually new and related to the new guy but those left over by your husband.
This is not a judgement OP but I think the way you said that at the start of your post means you know full well this was too soon, you're not over your husband and you're not even sure you really do like this guy.
Just be honest with him, he's a grown man he knew the rebound risk and he took the gamble anyway.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (2 April 2012):
 Hi,
I think you have the answer.... Just tell him what you wrote on your post, " things moving too fast and that you need time for yourself". Since you mentioned he's a good friend, no need to end in bitterness, so just be honest. I am sure he's going to get hurt no matter what, because he does care for you a lot, but I am sure he will understand you if you are honest. Hope you all well...
Good luck and best wishes
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