A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiive been with my gf a bout 4 months now. we have sex every day which i am very happy about but i wish she would initiate it some of the time. its always me and although she almost never turns me down i cant help sometimes feel i want2 do it more than she does. she always comments on how good it is and how much she enjoys havin sex with me but shes just...i dont know really how to put it, she just doesnt seem enthusiastic. im not saying she just lies there but its always me who does all the work and im the one who says to change positions, and i kiss her all over and go down on her and do all the fore play. i want her to tell me to change position and i want her to just go down on me before we have sex and things. she only does things if i ask and i find it a bit of a turn off that i have to ask her to do things i want her to just do it so it feels like she really wants to.how can i tell her this without making her feel like she is rubbish in bed? i like taking the lead dont get me wrong but always being the one to say lets go over here or less to this is getting annoying. should i say anything? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): I understand completely. Im the same as you, the one who always have to give orders and be the leader in bed, making the first moves. Not to downtalk all the boyfriend Ive had in my life, but amazingl enough they would always want ME to do all the work, and for them to just lay there and be lazy.Sex is not about receiving and receiving. You also have to give! Sure some of us are more dominant in bed than others, but in fact I think it has more to do with laziness. It feels GREAT to lay there and get pampered and ordered around, not having to think or do anything and just enjoy whatever you get. What partners need to know is that you have to change turns! Sure there are those who always want to be in one position, but those are called S/M!!! Regular people like to switch both ways. You can give her a kick start into to by suggesting you play a roleplay, you being her slave and she the master. Or you can simply sit down with her and tell her that you don't want to be giving her commands all the time. It gets boring for you. And yes, it can also be a turn off. I get turned off by sex sometimes too, even if my partner at the time initiates it I know I will be the one doing all the work, and it just sucks all the fun out of it. So I wish you the best and hope it works out as the two of you get to know each others preferences more and more!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): this is a common male complaint, and rightly so. Its typical for males to take the lead and females to fall into the trying to please the male. The only way to change this is to tell her. Not during,directly before, or after sex. Maybe while out to dinner. Have the conversation, its called communication. I have never understood how we can share the most intimate of acts together and yet be unable to talk to one another...strange, but it happens to us all. Good luck sweetie. ...
...............................
|
