A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I work with my ex and I have a member of staff that flirts round him and it is making him attracted to her. She is the type of girl that knows how to play it i.e leave them wanting more -as in, she asked him-I know you from somewhere, and it has kept him thinking!! He is very good looking, but I don't like the thought of a night out with the staff as I know they will end up together. I am totally fed up with trying to make a go of things and some women has distract him. This is not the only boyfriend or ex this happened to. Why can't women leave them alone if they are with me. I wouldn't do it to their boyfriend and they certainly would'nt like it. I know you will say he is an ex, but I do believe he is trying to make it work with me too. We fell out before because it was bad timing.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 Wait, this is an EX?
You are upset that another coworker is flirty with someone you used to date?
He is not your guy and he may not her guy either. It could be friendly, flirty, flirty banter between coworkers. IF they end up together, well that is their business.
If he is trying to genuinely work things out with you and have a relationship-he will not flirt with other women in front of you. He will flirt with other women if he does not take a romantic possibility with you seriously.
He has a right to flirt with others, the other woman has a right to flirt with him, and you have a right to flirt with anyone you deem worthy too! You are not a couple, so there are no rules.
You might be acting insecure.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): Hi. You sound like you have a low confidence/self esteem issue, as you are focusing too much on how good looking your bf is and how other women want him. A confident woman would not worry about such things and you have given us no indication in your post that he is untrustworthy.
Everyone has people that they are attracted to at work/college/the gym/whereever! - whther they are in a relationship or not. You need to let go, of the worry. I suggest you get busy, take up a hobby, arrange a night out to the cinema with some gfs, and keep doing this stuff every week. It's not healthy to be thinking about things the way you are. You could also see a counsellor and they will be able to sort out your feelings, the ones that are real and the ones you have invented in your mind. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (1 September 2011):
 There is nothing you can do. You can only control your own thoughts and actions, not those of your ex. If he wants to be flirtatious, or even sleep with her, it will be HIS choice. A choice he makes on his own free will, not because some horrible, flirtatious woman was forcing him. It takes two to tango and to blame the woman for poor outcomes is a silly. He chose to respond to her, to be "attracted" and "distracted" by her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): You're right, he's an ex. And you broke up for a reason, try to keep that in mind.
I understand where you are coming from, but this woman has EVERY right to flirt and play around with him, if he is willing to allow it, and your opinion on the matter is completely irrelevant now that you are no longer together.
You too are allowed to flirt and date other men and he can say jack all about it.
Let him go and go and go and play the field a bit yourself, he isn't the only guy out there.
Flynn 24
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