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female
,
anonymous
writes: Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a bit now and at the moment he is on a trip away with his friends in amsterdam. he is a really good guy and i dont think he'd ever cheat on me cuz he has good morals and he told me he wouldnt. Its just that i find it hard to trust men as i have been cheated on before in previous relationships.. While he's away i feel that i need to be texting messaging him.. not to check up on him but to know that hes there for me or something, im not sure. sometimes when hes out he wont reply or he'll send back a one word message with a kiss. hes not much of a texter anyways! but I want to know how to stop myself from needing this constant contact becoz i know that he feels cramped by it. I just get so paranoid! i dont want him to feel smothered as it will wreck the relationship how do i stop myself? i wasnt like this in the beginning!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006): You have a choice. You can make a decision that you're going to trust him based on what you know about him, and how your relationship is going,
OR: you can think about all the times in the past when you've been cheated on, and how you don't trust men. You can choose (or NOT!!) to pay attention to those negative thoughts and feelings, thus driving yourself crazy and bugging the heck out of him into the bargain.
You already know that giving in to all the fear and anxiety could wreck things between you. You said you know he feels "cramped" by constantly checking up. You know he doesn't like you thinking you can't trust him! And it is insulting to him, you know.
Please, think about this and decide to behave according to the better side of your nature! Keep yourself busy while he's away with interesting, fun activities of your own that really occupy your mind and time. That should help keep it in perspective!
A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 I have been in a smiliar situation.
The more I love someone, the clingier I get.
Just try to let him know you are there for him, maybe text him to just tell him to enjoy himself.
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