A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I met a guy at college over four years ago now ,he was 18 and I was 17 which is quite a long time ago but only feels like a year ago .When I first met him I was not interested in getting to know him because I did not find him attractive and he seemed childish. He then got my number from someone I knew and started texting me in which I replied and I thought well actually I may as well start texting/talking to him.after just one night of texting he really made me smile and laugh. He was always asking if I wanted to spend time with him after college and go to cinemas and go on a date and things . At first I got worried but then agreed to spend time with him. I was hesitant to spend time with just him as I had not really spent any time with just guys but I was happy that I decided to .After I spent time with just him I realised that I was starting to like him , when I was with him for the first time alone I felt really happy and close to him and did not want to let go of his hand when I held it and knew I wanted to be his girlfriend and I knew he wanted to be my boyfriend as he said so and it was really obvious. He was always telling me he had feelings for me and I felt the same but never told him , instead I pushed him away , said a few hurtful things and said the opposite of what I meant . I wanted him to think I didn't like him because it felt nice someone liking me and I never though someone would. It was cruel of me as I gave him mixed signals and would lead him on although I really liked him. I don't really know why I never told him how I felt but it has been one of my biggest regrets up to now and I know I have learnt from this . He wanted me to go to his house alone and even offered to take me out for a meal , again I was hesitant about this because I got worried that all of a sudden he wouldn't like me or just stop talking to me. I really wanted to do those things but just didn't say .After a month or so I could tell I was getting a little infatuated with him and my way of showing I liked him was odd and it pushed him away completely I would ring him lots of times , I now understand there was no need for this and obviously he would have found this annoying . I would go on his facebook and tell him , I also understand how this would have creeped him out . I never went on his facebook to stalk him it was just because I really liked him and I guess just liked looking at pictures and going on his timeline and being curious about him but he felt as though I was stalking him . I wasn't really aware of how much I pushed away and freaked him out as he never mentioned how my actions were making him feel until he became nasty to me and said some very hurtful things and still today no one has upset me as much as him.I also did some other things that creeped him out but did not mean to do this intentionally and other things have since gone on between us since then but its too much to mention . I apologised for what I said and did but he was never interested and he also has treated me unfairly since and has just been as bad as me. Every time I see him I want to cry because even now I still have feelings for him and they have never gone away , I want to cry because it hurts so much knowing we could have been in a relationship and I pushed him away , ive never been in a relationship before and up to now he is still the only person ive felt really attracted to and have feelings for . I want to cry when I see him because he looks so freaked out by me and I never intended for this to happen and at one point he really liked me and would have been happy to see me . when I see him all the hurtful things he said all come back to me and it makes me upset .I hate admitting this but I know I am infatuated with him and obsessed with him and this is never seemed to stop or fade away within the last 4 years. I think about him everyday and it just doesn't seem to stop. I would appreciate advice on how can you try to become less infatuated with someone and try to move on although I have tried repeatedly but haven't like anyone since and have accepted that I was to blame in pushing him away and wont do this again if I eventually meet someone I like .I saw him a few days ago and really wanted to say something along the lines of him , hi I know you are freaked out by me but Im honestly not going to be weird and im tired of the conflict and childishness between us and im sick of feeling worried that you will say something mean to me when you see me and i just want to say sorry for being annoying and odd and would appreciate if when you see me you don't have to act in the way you do as i don't want a fued any longer and its been to long since when we actually got along and spoke. i felt so frustrated because i didnt go about it in the right way and said who are you waiting for , and asked if he would stop been mean but i didnt say it in the right and i felt i came across as though i wanted to argue with him as opposed to saying what i wanted to say and it would have been the perfect opportunity to end our issues with one and other as he was just on his own without anyone there to be mean to me and maybe he would have actually listened but i just gave him yet another reason to feel creeped out by me and did not mean to .What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 August 2018):
 Nothing.
Leave the situation alone. What do you expect someone to do when you treat them like crap then start showing obsessive behaviours? Treating them mean and then being over the top with contact is bound to push someone away. You say you’ve learnt from it but have you? If you had you would understand that he doesn’t want to speak to you anymore.
Accept what has happened and that you two don’t speak anymore. You will find someone in future that you get feelings for but don’t act silly this time, if you like someone then tell them, people getting bored of others and leaving them is part of life, if you are continuously scared of it happening then you’ll never be able to let go and see where you get with people. If someone decides to leave then it means you weren’t a match anyway. Learn from this experience and grow up, leave the guy alone.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2018):
 You should leave him alone. He is being mean because you have made him feel like you are stalking him. No matter what you say now he is still going to feel that way. This is not going to be fixed. You need to accept now that the damage is done and you are never going to be friends.
The best thing you can do is to block him on all social media to stop yourself looking through his photos and things, and then stay well clear from him. Don't try and talk to him, because it will only make things worse. If you keep trying to contact him he may eventually get the police involved.
You need to learn in the future not to play with peoples emotions. Yes he liked you but you pushed him away, so I am glad you learnt from this.
But all the phone calls and creeping on him as made him realize you are not the girl for him. You probably scare him. So please do the right thing and leave him alone and learn from your mistakes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2018): Your not on the autistic spectrum ..by any chance . Or have ocd.. I think my advice as a mental health worker would be to go to your doctor and explain all this and ask to be evaluated by a mental health professional as I feel your needing more guidance than what can be given here .The reason why he acts the way he does is in defence he won't let you in . So it's his way of keeping your behaviour at bay
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