A
male
age
41-50,
*roken casanova
writes:We were together for 2 years and it was the most important relationship I have ever had because we started as friends first.(we also did and do work together), we both had issues, tried to work through them and ultimately it ended up that it "just didn't work". Since the breakup I haven't dated anyone, (I've 'partied but nothing meaningful, or actual dates) just worked on myself and have improved many areas. She on the other hand for some reason ACTS as though I was the one with the issues even though she SAYS it was both of us. she SAID she would be open minded to us dating again, but during conversations during our FWB stage after the breakup she said NO WAY...even admitting the FWB thing was a second choice, while mentioning "its sad that we can have this kind of fun together but couldn't make a relationship work. (even though our 2 time friends with benefits stages WERE like a relationship)...that is until she told me "ive met someone" (over the goddam weekend, dated him 3 times in a week and decided THAT was more important than what we were doing.)since we broke up almost a year ago it shouldnt hurt, but by working together and now doing the relationshippy/fwb thing twice, it KILLS and has really hurt my self esteem...i compare myself to this guy, and that's not a good thing. I am very very angry with her , not for living life, but for hurting me and for being so stupid to fall for a guy so quickly.I told her specifically if this thing with him didn't work out do NOT expect to come back to me, she agreed. (I refuse to be a door mat anymore just because I love her)we both still love each other and she wants to be friends. we left it that "i would call her" and let her know if we were still on for our plans for the weekend...it ended up that SHE cancelled them because "she was uncomfortable"(which I can assume she was seeing the new dooshbag and blowing me off)Ive been told numerous times that I am a good looking guy, and for the most part I like to think I have something to offer...ive been great at flirting with women and picking them up, I just haven't mastered the relationship sides of things. what do I do to TRULY move on? how do I stop comparing myself to the "new guy"? ho do I stop the hurt and believe in myself? should I get revenge? I am so confused and FULL of emotions, I would really appreciate any help, but please be gentleps: now she's even telling one of my closest friends (older than both of us, kind of a father figure) "i met someone" even though she told ME she was just 'dating'...3 dates in one week = seeing someone? WTF!?pps: we've been broken up for 10 months.
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broke up, flirt, friend with benefits, move on, revenge, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): well my honest opinion the friends with benefits phase might not have been the best choice. she may have lost respect for you after that. bottom line is you both are still going to care about each other but the trick is, dont show it. the second you let her see you weak then your chances of getting back together decrease. if your not totally over her then just go out and meet people, talk to girls, have fun, hell even do some crazy shit. you only have one life so you gotta make the best of it. remember that you have to keep in mind the way she perceives you. she is obviously trying to get under your skin so just dont let up....do your thing and focus on the future and i promise once you start thinking positively, things will come in to play and youll realize that life is just as good if not better..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): Sounds like your girl is acting out; I get the feeling she knows that you still care and shes playing a game. I promise you this new guy will not be around for long. She will try to make her way back to you but like you said don't be a door mat. Don't think cause this guy is with her now, that he is better than you, he's not. I bet she's just using him to get over her pain and to see your reaction. Sometimes women like to play games. Its only when they lose the best thing they realize they fucked up bad. Don't do the revenge thing, and try not to make plans with her, let her come to you. Once she see your moving on she will get nervous. You have the right to feel the pain you feel because you both were friends first. Give yourself time, not starting a new relationship but meeting new women you are truely attractive to does help. Music help ease pain, so does writing down your feelings, talking to someone like you are now. This pain will go away but focus on you now not her.
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A
female
reader, Lucy2118  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Hey you,
Noticing that your still emotional and delicate from you message, will try and be gentle. Your seriously need 2 stop comparing yourself with this guy, as you said you can pull girls etc so your obvisously not that bad looking. Also it's not the guys fault, it's your ex's. It sucks that she made you feel like this but sometimes girls get caught up in their emotions when dating and take chances with guys.
As you've said you improved on yourself which is the first step to make you feel better. YOU being the only one that matters. Take care of you, break off from her no contact if possible this will make you feel better and after a while stop worrying and comparing yourself (out of sight, out of mind)
I feel sympathic to your situation, it seems like you've gone through so much, an emotional rollcoaster. But get out, live life, have fun! Hold it together things will get better, grab some mates go out and have an amazing time
Hope this helps. Take of YOU!
X
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