A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My brother is very well known around here, because he played basketball. On the national level he was an average player but in a small town like where we live, he was a legend. After moving to Texas to play college basketball, and spending a couple years there after graduating, he moved back to our town and got a job as a nutritionist/basketball coach at my middle school. When he got that job, playing basketball no longer became a option for me it was a must, my 6th grade year was ok. It was my first year ever playing basketball so he didn't play me much, I was alright with it, I was still learning the game. My 7th grade year is when i started to hate basketball. I felt like I was never good enough. I gave 125% at all my practices and games but I just never got the respect from my brother. He was always disrespecting me, I felt because he expected me to be so good that I never got the benefit of the doubt when I messed up. In scrimmages he wouldn't play me because I needed to "rest up for the big games" which made all my teammates think I was the golden boy. And 1 time he told me to go home because I wasn't acting like I wanted it? Now this is my 8th grade year, and it has been the worst. The same thing is happening like the year before. He kept saying I'm not ready to be a leader, so he sits me out games until I'm ready to become the leader of the team . Now at this point, my dedication is gone. I hate practice. I hate games. I just want to sit on the bench and cheer on my teammates. I don't even want to play. Everyone loves him as a nutritionist, he's the funny young guy that everyone talks to but I'm sure he's about to get fired as a coach, the meltdowns, the ejections, yelling at refs, the breaking things, he's probably on pace to reach 100 ejections if he continues coaching. I already told my mom that I was done with basketball for the year and if I decided to continue in high school then I would but I am done with my brother. I just don't know how to tell him?? Telling him this is like kicking a puppy, a tall, lanky, angry puppy. But I have made up my mind, he's really close with the board because I see him ALL THE TIME with a girl named Lana. I think she's the daughter of one of them board people. I do know she's important though. They are always around each other by themselves, I think they are making the beast with two backs. Anyway, do you think he can make me stay on the team?? How can I tell him that I want to quit without hurting his feelings or having him not talk to me ever again? I still want to be his brother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017): First of all, your feelings matter just as much as his; if not more. As he must be reminded by telling him the truth; and letting him know how you feel, and why.
He has not been very nice to you, and he has bullied you to the point he has made you hate the game. That's his fault, not yours.
He is a man, not a puppy. If he can push people around, he is due some push-back to remind him that not only is he your coach, but he is also your brother.
You deserve encouragement, his praise, and his support. He doesn't have to give you special attention; but every player should feel the coach is the man. He is the man to look to for inspiration, wisdom, advice, and as a good role-model.
Reading your post indicates your brother falls short of that; and boinking the daughter of someone on the board could be just as detrimental to his job as his poor sportsmanship, and showing all the other team-members what a poor excuse of a big brother he is.
Young man, don't feel bad for being honest. You should only feel bad when you don't tell the truth. He will learn from your honesty, and it could also make him a better man. You are only his shadow if you put yourself there. He is older, has made his reputation, and his achievements are better known; only because your life and accomplishment have only just begun, and have yet to be seen.
Sometimes you have to be your own man. That means you've got to tell the truth, even when it hurts. The honesty and sincerity is also another way to show love, and to remind people how their words and actions are affecting you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017): Just tell him "Look bro Im your biggest fan but I just hate f***ing basket ball!Yeah I mean it.Its your thing bro not mine so count me out!I want to be a *car computer mechanic and I'll fix your car anytime*pilot for an airline and I 'll fly you anywhere*work in a coffee shop etcBut Basketball is OUT.Its not gonna happen man!You got more chance of getting that girl pregnant than me playing on the team.You suck as a coach by the way.You are a mean cranky nut job but I love you bro!If you hit me in the face for saying this your going to be charged with assault.Lay off the bullying man.Ive got to get my own life.Im not your by-the-way brother!I mean it bro!Basketball and the team and me : Its over!"Be somewhere near your mum when you drop the bombshell because your brother does not sound in control of his behaviour.Secretly he'll be glad your done.But he will probably always remember the day little bro said he was quitting basketball.He mustve heard worse in his life time!He might even laugh!If thats too scary print this out and let him read it.All he needs to say is "Ok youre off the team!But your still my brother!"Ahh..if he cant handle that then he is being a bit psycho!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 There are many examples of siblings who independently have gone on to make individual successful careers. Your brother knows something about sport and nutrition.
But you don't have to be in competition with him unless you want to. You are young. There is so much time for you to find your own path.
Examples of siblings who both achieved include: Aldous and Julian Huxley, The Redgrave family, the Brontes, Alistaire and Johnny Brownlee.
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/video/2016/sep/19/alistair-brownlee-gives-chance-win-helps-brother-jonny-video
It's probably saddening for him that he didn't really make the big league. But you can choose your own path and go as far as possible.
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