A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help, Im nearly 36, cant afford to buy a house, am taking space from my boyfriend as his head is a mess and he "needs time" to sort himself out, I have no children, live with my brother and feel SUCH a loser. I have to move out of our rented accomodation and find somewhere else within 2 weeks to live,I feel like everything is getting on top of me and am starting to feel embarrassed about my failed life in front of my friends. Friends tell me im pretty, I am popular, but nothing good ever seems to happen to me. Help me sort myself out and get back in control? I worry I wont have children and I dont want to go down the single route. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
 ok first of all you need to ask yourself where u see yourself in 5 years? then you have to try an take steps towards it.
Life throws us hurdles and little tests and these are yours.
Try and not have a defeatist attitude, there's always an answer to every problem.
you will feel low becoz of whats goin on around you, dont feel embarrassed infront of your friends, true friends will accept you as you are and help bolster your self esteem.
firstly give you and your bf a break, then try and find a place to live, dont see yourself as a failure & label yourself instead as a survivor.
eventually you will get through this, feel free to email me if you have any further questions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I am 37 and have felt similar to you. The things that made me change I will share it might help it might not. I was stuck in telling myself what I didn't want and constantly beat myself up because I hated my job, had to sell my car to raise some money and my relationship fell apart. I'd gone from what appeared to the outside world as a confident, full of life 'has it all' person to a 'nothing'. Trouble was I realised that I was stuck in this negative thought process and actually although I could not see how to disentangle myself from the mess I was in it started to change when I started to say to myself what I was (good things) and what I wanted out of life. I didn't announce it - I just wrote it down, then I kept repeating some of it in my head when things got difficult. I maintained complete focus on the priority which was changing career and made the first step and signed up to an OU course. Then I had something to say to people - I was no longer a social failure I was doing something positive, making the change and in the process of change and I loved it. I signed up to do a 5k run for charity - I could hardly run half a mile and the deadline was 3 weeks to the event. I did it. I raised £75 and told myself I could do it. The more you set yourself personal goals and then achieve them the better. Start with a goal for the day - small but manageable and achieve it. Then set weekly targets and overall write a page on the person you want to be, the life you want, the way you want to feel (notice the focus on 'want'). I read a book called the Big Leap by Suzy Greaves - if you are able to get a copy this was amazing for me personally and I have not looked back. Some things you need to sort from a practical point of view but the minute you change your thought pattern you will definitely start automatically making other more positive changes in your life and things will start falling into place. I hope this helps - not trying to sound all mystical but it really worked for me. All the best to you.
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