A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 30 years old and a single mum of 2 kids. They are 11 and 7. I have been single for 5 years. I recently graduated from university and have a good job. I live in a nice part of town. I have a good circle of friends many are settled down with partners and husbands. So we don't see each other as much. My problem is I get so lonely especially when the kids have gone to bed. I just yearn for the comforts of a relationship. I am dreading winter evenings when the kids have gone to bed. I am a very affectionate person and I enjoy sex. I just wish I could find someone.I don't seem to meet nice guys. As soon as I tell them I have a children they are usually turned off. Then after that it is clear that they just want sex.I have tried internet dating it starts of good then it is clear that they are just after sex.How do I relieve my loneliness?
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (28 August 2013):
Dear OP,
As a single myself, I realize many men (but by far not all of them!!) are only after sex. The solution to this problem is simple, although not easy: Turn down their offers and keep looking for someone else. I came to realize you need persistence when you're single, you can't just withdraw from everything just because you meet one or two stupid guys or because you get offered something you don't want. I see dating as an experience now, I don't expect every date to go perfectly well and every guy to become my partner. But I try to be friendly with everyone I meet and learn something from every encounter. This way, I learned to say "no" to guys that only want "one thing" and to value the guys that are looking for relationships. They exist! Love didn't find me so far, but dating has definitely improved my opinion on men.
Right now, you can't do much about being lonely. But you can be initiative and keep looking for a guy. On the internet, at speed dating events, through friends..
I mean, if you keep looking for a guy, it's possible you'll meet some people you don't like. But if you stop looking and you isolate yourself, you probably won't meet anyone at all.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 Loneliness is a silent killer -- I've lived through it and I know what you are going through. You really aren't alone, but I know exactly how you feel.
The one thing I would urge you is to keep your spirits up. Yes, many men don't want a ready made family. It is tough enough to be in a relationship but add someone else's children (and the expenses that go with it) can often times cause men to run for the hills. However, people do get remarried and they do form healthy relationships. It just takes time because the combination of what works gets a little bit more complicated.
To relieve loneliness I would recommend finding a hobby. Answer questions here, email a penpal, do some reading -- improve yourself! You have plenty of time at night to really take on some interesting projects that you've always wanted to do. Why not take advantage of it? Make yourself interesting... if people see you as "just a mom" they'll lose interest in you. But if you were to say "I am a marathoner, I read books on psychology and I have 2 kids" they'll see you more as a unique person rather than a woman with 2 kids.
Also, enlist your friends to help you out. Often times they know people who are single and can line you up on dates. It won't always work out but they can be a good source of prospects.
Finally, find a social outlet. Hit the gym, join a club, do something that you are passionate about. For instance, I run -- a lot. I have TONS of runner friends that I can call when I want to do something or want to hang out. Do the same for yourself... it takes time, but if you learn to strike up conversations and compliment someone you will have instant friends. It was a skill it took a while for me to develop (I am naturally shy) but it does work.
Trust me: things will get better, just be sure you are ready and able to spot the winners and avoid the losers. Do take this time though to really do what you want and work on being the best parent to your kids as possible. The right man will come along when you are ready...
Eddie
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 August 2013):
Men want easy sex... I think sometimes women confuse that desire for "just wanting sex". I'm not saying there aren't guys out there who only want sex, but I think there are plenty who want sex AND a relationship.
When you're dating, just don't sleep with guys until their actions indicate they want a relationship (not their words, their ACTIONS). You may find that guys will stick around even if they aren't getting any for a little bit while they get to know you.
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