A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my wife for 10 years and thought things were going ok. We did go through a rocky patch in June this year but thought we had got through that. I started to get a bit suspicious of a guy that she coaches who had left his wife a year ago and when I went to watch my wife coach 5 weeks ago felt that there was something more than friendship between them it all seemed a bit intimate. Just for the record I am totally in love with my wife and have always told her I love her and how beautiful she is. Don't ask me why but Sunday I checked her phone after getting more suspicious. I found a ,essays on what's app where she had told this guy she loved him. Just those words knowing what they mean to me when I tell my wife I was so upset I confronted her and showed her the message. I was heartbroken. She promised me nothing physical happened and that he just listened when she needed someone to talk to, typical bloke bullshit. How do I move on as I want to trust her and want to believe that we are going to work things out. My biggest problem is that she will still see this guy at least 4 times a week at the club they go to so if she meant those words how can she detach herself emotionally when she is at the club? She has deleted what's app and I have to trust her but am completely torn up inside. On Monday she came home to find me sobbing so much I could not stop. Please tell me how to trust her
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 I understand what you mean. But she has told this man she loves him, therefore she must have an emotional connection with him, if she continues spending time with him it will never go away, yes she might have told you she now realizes you care, but her actions say more than her words. I would just hate for you to be hurt again in a few months when you catch her in bed with him or in a year when she is moving out to be with him.
A
female
reader, adelel  +, writes (25 October 2016):
I really don’t know much about this scam thing and at the same time , no one wants to be on the losing side . But i just came across this good hacker [email address blocked] who really helped me hack my boyfriend text messages, whatsap, Facebook , Instagram messages remotely..You don’t have to touch his phone while you have access to his conversations through the software he bought and install remotely on my phone , i dont know how he did this but i think he's perfect at it.....you can contact him [email address blocked] him Adele referred you, you will thank me later
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): How many times in your life have you told a woman that you loved her, and you had never done anything sexual with her?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2016): It's not impossible for your wife to leave this club there must be loads of others she could go to.
Just because she knows your heartbroken over this doesn't mean her feelings for this man will change. If your marriage stands any chance she needs to cut all communication with him and put you first. Only then will you have any chance of trusting her again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2016): I've read your follow up and you need to wake up and realise wife can't detach herself emotionally while she's still seeing this man and you won't be able to trust her.
She needs to get another coaching job and go to a different club if your marriage is to be saved. Admitting that you love someone other than your spouse is serious whether you've felt that way for weeks or months.
I've been in your wife's position (though I never had a physical affair) and believe me, although she may feel bad for you, her feelings for this bloke won't disappear overnight. While she's around him she'll be tempted. Her feelings won't go until she's cut him out of her life completely. It's going to take some time and a lot of work before you'll be able to trust her again. You should contact Relate for support.
I hate to say this to you but if she's not willing to make concessions then she's already made her choice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2016): I really would not expect her to stop going to this club as she is a coach there so that is asking the impossible, she has told me that she has only told him she loves him for 2 weeks, he is what I would call a jack the lad with all the chat. I know that she has stopped messaging him now and we are going away to her mums for this weekend. I really think my reaction showed her just how much I love her as she thought I would not have really cared. I need to trust her and cannot ask her to leave the club as it her her sport and passion just as much as triathlon is to me
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 October 2016):
I am so sorry for what you are going through, nobody should have to deal with this in a marriage.
Going back to before you found these messages, your gut told you there was something wrong, so there must have been some signs, can you think what they where? And why they lead to this guy? Was your wife distant? Always talking about this man?
Telling him that she loves him is pretty big, it is almost worse than a affair, as feelings are involved. Did he respond to her message? Do you believe it is all innocent?
Sweetie all I can say is if she wanted your marriage to work and the trust to return she would stop going to this club and stop seeing this man. If she is not willing to do that then she is basically telling you he is more important than you. If she is not willing to cut him out then you need to understand that she does love him.
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