A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 months recently told me he did not think our relationship was working out. This is very confusing to me because last week, he said we could not break up because we're both in this for something serious (marriage) and we both have met each other's families and everything is great. He also initiates discussions about marriage for us. He ended the relationship following a minor disagreement (which remained civil and calm) occurred between the 2 of us at his brother's house yesterday. The discussion was about what we were going to do for the evening. He invited me over to his brother's house yesterday for a cookout with his family, and when ready to leave, he questioned what I would like to do later last night. After going back and forth with both of us saying it doesn't matter and him saying we could do whatever I would like to do, I suggested something which he doesn't like to do since he said it didn't matter (go dancing). He declined the suggestion. I then asked him why ask me and tell me we can do whatever I want, then turn down the suggestion. His brother also jokingly agreed with me, accusing my boyfriend of "flip flopping." Since his brother lives 2 streets away from him, I said I would just meet him outside or back at his house, and left his brother's home in my own car. The night before, we had a discussion about our relationship the past few weeks and how things just seemed strained between us. We decided to work on whatever the problems were in attempt to save the relationship. Both of us stated we prefer to stay in the relationship. Anyway, instead of going straight to his home when I left his brother's house, I decided to drive around the neighborhood for a few minutes to calm down, as I did not want to argue or have tension between us when I arrived at his place.He called me when he arrived home after discovering I was not there yet. He questioned where I was and I told him driving to calm down. He said ok. Two minutes later, he sent me a text saying he was going to bed. I called him right away and informed him I was right around the corner from his home. He then told me he did not think it was working out between us. By the way, in 4 months of dating, we've not had ANY major disagreements, fight, yelling. When we disagreed on something, we talked it out and resolved it. When I questioned why he was ending the relationship, when the night before, he stated he wanted the relationship and wanted to work on things, he could not provided a direct answer. I asked if I could come by to get my stuff. He wanted to bring my stuff to my house the next day (today). I insisted on getting my things. When I came to his house within 2 mins, he packed my stuff in a plastic bag and handed it to me. He refused to talk about it and stated he really didn't want to do so at the moment. I left, but called immediately after doing do. He gave the same response with no definite reason for ending things. He said he would call me tomorrow. I questioned if he really was going to call to talk or pull the wool over my eyes again. He reminded me of him needing to get his stuff from my house I reminded him he has keys to my place. Today is here and no phone call from him. Is he thinking about us, or does not care to exchange our belongings? What do I do if he does not call me today? Do I call him instead? How do I get my keys? How do I obtain an explanation from him about his feelings related to our relationship?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 It seems like he really rushed into the break up rather suddenly. He may be impulsive like that. Men who are kind of emotional (yes they do exist) tend to react rather extreme in certain situations. I'm also tempted to say, you should throw him a bone and allow him the chance to back down from this extreme maneuver, rather gracefully. Call him up and say, "Can we have a truce?....Or do you really want this to be over?" Hopefully he won't let his pride get the best of him, and he'll tell you if he wants a "do-over". If he says yes, just remember that when he's pushed, he does extreme things! My b/f used to be like that. Every time he'd get mad, he'd tell me to "get your stuff and get out of here" so one day I did. I packed up my shit and loaded it into my car while he stood there gaping at me. I drove out of the yard, and down the street and a few minutes later he called me but hung up before I could answer. I took it to be a sign that he might've been having 2nd thoughts. So I went back to his house a few min. later only to find him lying on the bed rolled up in a tiny little ball like a child, crying his eyes out. All he could say when he realized I was beside him was, "I'm so glad you came back." He has never done that again. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for providing an answer to my question. In reponse to it, he does not drink alcohol, and I didn't have any alcohol to drink prior to or during the disagreement. As for the scond answer provided by yourself, I am telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God! I only told him I was driving to calm down and would meet him back at his place shortly. He still has not called me, attempted to give me back my keys to hy home, and/or picked up his belongings at my place. My only thoughts about this are as follows:1) If he was in such a rush to get end the relationship, why not finish the deal by giving my keys back a.s.a.p. and gettting his stuff.2) He could really be over the realtionship and has probably mailed my keys to me and they are in the mail as we speak. Therefore, picking up his stuff is not important, he doesn't care to get his stuff back, and wants to avoid contact with me at all costs.3) Your answer of him feeling foolish after a good night's sleep and him changing his mind is correct and he is just trying how to rectify this.Overall, I'm still clueless. I think I'll continue to give him his space, but by the end of the week, if he hasn't contacted me, I'll just call, ask him for my keys, and pick them up myself if need be. But by then, his stuff will be either donated or in the trash. Any more advice from you would be appreciated.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (17 August 2009):
Number one, was either of you drunk at the time you had this minor argument?....Because if so, then he probably acted out of the influence and later felt like an ass (hence the reason he hasn't rushed right over to claim his stuff)....Number two, are you telling us the entire truth?...Were you really just driving around or did you say 'bugger off' and go dancing without him? Because if by chance it is the latter, then he has more of a reason to break if off -- trust violation. If I am incorrect, then I think you should call and ask him if he's having second thoughts. Let him know that it's okay to back down and he doesn't have to feel foolish if after a good night's sleep, he has changed his mind. I hope it works out.
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