A
female
age
41-50,
*gonz
writes:i am / was in a relationship with a great guy. but had another on the side. i love my man and see my self even married to this man but i don't know how to let the other one go. l have feelings for the other one but i don't see a futre with that person. i don't want to loose my relationship. how can i save it? and let the other one go without hurtting him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): You need to tell Mr. Second Choice that it's over, and you just do not see a future with him. It's going to hurt him, but it's his part to get over the realtionship. Cut all ties, and let the guy heal w/o you in the picture. Staying around him will only make the pain worse.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 Once someone develops romantic feelings for you, that you do not equally share, there is no way to end the relationship without some hurt and pain. So don't delude yourself there. But people are resilent and he will be fine. Be up front and honest. Tell him that after careful consideration you realize that the current relationship is where you need to be and tell him that he has wonderful qualities, and some lucky lady will snatch him up before he knows it. Then the best thing to do is sever contact. If you try to do the whole friend thing, it just keeps him holding onto some kind of hope that you'll change your mind, plus you run the risk of your permanent guy finding out and mistrusting you. Make it clean, learn from the experience and don't look back. xoxox
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