A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok , so me an my ex got together about a year ago.we spent a lot of time together, probably too much, but all that time was spent at his, at his mates ir driving him to and from his mates, i never had anychance to see my mates, when i did break the routine and go out,he would whinge like a baby cause i was goin out with out him, ask why he didnt get invited m i treied to explain to him that that was my space with out him, that i needed a break sometimes, this he didnt understand and accused me of cheating on him rang an text me with abouse, so its over now, easy enough,but i go out once a month to a *do* i havent been for a long time, but have just started going again, with out thinking about it , when u went back last month, as friends , i took him with me and a few mates, i couldnt enjoy myself as he was there, it just wasnt my kind of scence to have a boyfriend/exboyfriend at, so my night sucked,big time.he then got hime and invited all of him mates to the next one *bear in mind,i t sounds stupid, but only a select number of people know about this place otherwise it would get ruined and fights may start happening*so i had to lie to him about when it was to stop him from turning up , i had an amazing night , it was just like the old times , all my old mates etc, i feel really bad for lying to him , and he does know that i did, it may sound stupid and selfish, but how do i get him to not go either at all/all the time/ or so we can both go with out the other being there- kinda alternate, i see it as my night out with my friends, i dont wana stop going cause he is there and i cant enjoy myself if he is , he has plenty of place to go , like boat partys n crazy stuff like that , i cant even talk to on of his friends on msn, but he cant take my night away from me......??its not fair.....how do i nicely ask him not to be there all the time, its only once a month for 6months a yeat, its been going for 5 years and hes never been , its not like he will miss it ??
View related questions:
a break, msn, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys , so far he hasnt turned up .... :D
and due to that , ive started dating the guy from there i really like ....so i think its all ok for now, until next year when it starts over agagin he he
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Yeah every time you go up a level, hes just going to follow you up. You need to jump right up to the top so he can't get you. You've asked him nicely. I think he will just turn up to spite you.
You need to try and get your friends to say something I think.
...............................
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I just think you have to cut him out of your life as hard and ruthlessly as you can. He's got no right to be intruding into your life. It's obviously tough if he wants to be an arsehole and destroy any chance you have of enjoying life without him. But by hook or by crook you've got to get him out of your hair. You don't have to tell him a thing and you've got every right to ignore him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionagrh, i tried,i asked him nicely, he said he understood and agreed, the next thing i now is he has broken out a big argument over somthing and we are at the point of hating each other...
and as he knows now how i feel about him being there, i feel even more that he will turn up just to spite even more now ....
so do i just try and forget he is there if he is and if anything happens with this new guy, to just keep an eye out , or do i try to talk to him again?
...............................
A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (11 July 2008):
I don't get this. He's your EX. He has no right to be bothered if you don't invite him along to YOUR night out. He doesn't own you!
You don't have to apologise, you don't have to do anything. Tell him to get lost. And keep up the secrecy. He's got absolutely no right to know what you're doing with your life now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Errmmm...
(Sorry I wasn't here yesterday to reply earlier by the way)
I don't know...because I wouldn't want to hurt anyone but its almost like self-defense hurt. Because your hurting him so that you don't get hurt...
If you understand by latest theory...
But to be fair they are your friends, and you. So how can he stop you being out with your friends!? Sure if they were HIS friends then that would be something different but they're yours...
Your friends might be right. Except it might spur him on a bit. I don't know you may as well give it a go if you feel comfortable with it. Try and talk to him again if you feel comfortable or uncomfortable anyway.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionahhh very true,
if he shows next time,ill ask my mates to say sumfin, thing is theres a guy that goes to this night that iv know for a while and since we bumped in to each other there, we haev kinda got a bit of chemistry, so i kinda dont want my ex walkin in to that cause itll do his head in big time, but everyone thinks thats what he needs to see to stop him goin...is it worth bein cruel to be kind in the long run?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): lol yeah sorry I can't offer anything different to what you think...
You could just ask your friends to tell him to back off, or kinda use them. If not then just tell him. Do you want to continue to be unhappy while hanging out with your friends?! Or do you want to be happy with your friends and get somewhere with the situation?!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni thought of that ,lol
but the thing is , i know if i ask him not to go, he will get all ratty and go justto spite me, so its quite difficult really.....
my mates arent really bothered if he goes or not as they are ones he never met wen we were together , it was just that night last month they met, but they did notice the difference in me wen he wasnt there and said its probs best if he didnt come with us again.....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Well you can't really ask him nicely...
You need to start off being nice but then jump straight to firm. I don't think I need to dictate to you what to say...
Its a awkward situation I know, but you just need to talk to him about it. Unlikely he'll stop, so I suggest before you talk to him talk to your mates about it. It might seem like your jealous so make sure you make it clear that your not, just having a miserable time when hes there.
...............................
|
