A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi people.i have a friend who graduated from uni in 2011 and recenetly i've got to know him better (i graduate this year 2012). it turns out he has problems, financially especially. he's homeless (lives at uni during the day and sleeps in the 24hr computer labs at night), has no money or family in the country, and sometimes smokes cannabis. the start of his problems i believe was due to a break-up (where the girl is still at the same university studying her final year i believe) but others say its because of his smoking habits and he's lost friends and made enemies. he's had many jobs in the past and lost them (ten within the last three years). despite the fact he graduated with a 2:1 which is considered good.i've got to know him better recently and he's resorted to the bible and is very religious. i've tried to help him get a job by searching online even supermarkets would do good for him for the time being but he hasn't made an effort to apply.all he does now is spend his time writing about God and religious belief (which is a bit awkward when i read his things he's written) and also his ex-gf.i've told him to forget his ex and move on, i've tried to encourage him to get a job, i've bought him breakfast and dinner a few times, but now i cannot help him much more as I don't want him to rely on me.what do i do.
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a break, his ex, money, move on, smokes, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): All you can and should do now is refer him to a therapist. The university will probably have counseling services for students, so start there. Tell him that you're concerned about him and that you think he should see a counselor, and then give him their information. that's all you can do, really.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 April 2012):
 Hi
He needs specialist help, he sounds like he has severe depression, all you can do is relate his problems to somebody at the University as soon as you can . Thats the best help you can give him . You are a brilliant friend but you cant do anymore he has to be able to help himself and he needs a professional to deal with his situation . Going back to his family is best and the University can contact them .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 He sounds like he's had a mental break down, honestly.
I don't think you can fix him. Maybe you can take him down to the counselor at the Uni? Or like Cerberus suggested to the Uni chaplain?
As harsh as it sounds I wouldn't try and do more then you already are you NEED to do well for yourself, not try and fix this guy too.
Doesn't mean you have to totally cut him off but I would try and find someone more "professional" to take him on. After all the counselors/chaplains are trained to deal with people in some form of crisis.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2012):
 Cerberus is right... YOU do nothing.
His behavior is not normal, even for a regular cannabis smoker...
sounds to me like he needs a psych eval and some meds to control his irrational thoughts.
he may be using the cannabis as self medication....
best thing you can do is encourage him to seek medical and psychological help
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): You do nothing, the guy has gone gone full blown crazy not only that but you live in the UK there is plenty of help available for people in his position if he just bothered his arse to get it, unless his visa has run out in which case it's time he went home. I don't mean that in an agoraphobic way, I just mean being at home with his family must be better than starving on the streets in the UK.
The guy is unstable, unreliable (10 jobs in 3 years) and has given up on life, there's nothing you can do. He has to take care of himself.
The only thing I can suggest is you speak to the college chaplain, or a priest/pastor of his denomination and ask them to have a chat with him. He's withdrawn into religion then perhaps it is only someone with that kind of background that get him to understand in his own language. Barring that maybe you should try and contact his family.
Don't tear your hair out though OP, he's not your responsibility, he's an adult.
Try the above and see how that works out. It's good that you want to help OP, and maybe have a coffee, a sandwich and spend sometime with him every now and again. Just make sure not to take on his burdens and get to the point where you start doing stupid things like inviting him to stay with you or other such things. Don't get in too deep or he'll drag you down with him.
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