A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey i would really appreciate some help on this because its not getting easier.my girlfriend told me she was sexually abused by her uncle for as long as she can remember, but we werent going out then, but ever since we have been going out, 3 months now, i know just how much it has affected her. while we were friends i went to the police and got her to see a therapist and i asked her out shortly after because i really liked her and still do. i love her like ive never loved anyone and im doing the very best i can to help her even if i cant handle it myself because i suffer from depression and anxiety and currently in my final exams of year 12 and a friend of mine died so timing is really bad, im failing horribly too. she told me she has dreams nearly every night about him. some things i say and do remind her of him by accident and she freaks out a little and i cant handle reminding her of him, i just dont know what to do.if you have any questions to help you answer me then feel free, any help ill appreciate greatly.thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (9 November 2009):
 It sounds to me like your doing the best you can for her at this time so carry on as you are.
You are a very supportive and kind boyfriend. She is lucky to have you.
Continue to let her know that you care about her and available to listen whenever she needs you.
Like I mentioned before, spend your time doing enjoyable activities together.
Your galfriend is going to a therapist but suggest a support group too she can join. You can google this to find the nearest one to where you both live.
Also do suggest to your girlfriend to do other relaxing techniques like seeing her friends, shopping, or having a relaxing bath so that she reduces the stress and tensions in her life.
Remember you and your girlfriend will have your up and down days but just carry on doing as you are and you guys will brave this storm.
Goodluck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe knew it was a joke but it still freaked her, she still cuts herself sometimes, i just found some new ones today, i told her if she ever does it again, i will cut again too in hope she can resist but i fear she'll do it in secret. this sounds terrible but i promised her id stop and i did. ive been the best i possibly can, i made her breakfast, i tell her shes the most gorgeous girl ive ever seen over and over. she wanted me to touch her today coz she wants me to but im kind of in 2 minds about it, it seemed alright today i guess. i think this will be my last question on this subject, i hope. the random acts of kindness on this site gives me a little more faith in humanity, knowing people will help without expecting anything in return is so rare, thank you so much.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (6 November 2009):
When I said its something your galfriend wont forget, this doesnt mean the therapist cant help her deal with her pain. If she gets the appropriate help the therapist can help her deal with the pain and move on from it.Maybe you touching your gf does remind her of her abuse but like you say if this makes you both feel uncomfortable for the time being dont do it. Its probably best to wait a while.As for you telling your galfriend that you are behind her, which freaked her out, try and explain to her that it was a joke only. Its important you and your galfriend can share jokes with one another. This is healthy in a good relationship.If you explain this to her maybe she will be a little more understanding and encourage your behaviour.If you need any help let me know.Goodluck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much, its just if its something that she can never forget, does that mean she will always hurt? about what you asked with what have i said or done, well she wanted me to touch her so i did but she had a few visions of 'him' yet she said its not too much me touching her but i really dont like that she thinks of him at all when i do that so i dont think ill try again at least for a while. i was on the phone to her and i made a stupid joke when she said where am i and i said behind you, to see if she would fall for it but then she freaked out and now i have to recheck everything im about to say just in case i say something stupid again. that was just an example, there were other things too. thank you for helping me.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (6 November 2009):
Im sorry to hear of your loss and sorry to hear you are going through this.
Firstly its good your girlfriend is seeing a therapist she needs to speak to someone professionally about this to help her overcome the ordeal she has been through.
Sadly abuse is not something one ever forgets. However with the right amount of love and support she can overcome the trauma she has been through.
Having dreams is her subconscious way of letting her know she is holding onto those past thoughts. The therapist needs to show her of a way of handling her emotions so she can let some of that pain subside.
Your girlfriend has told you things you sometimes do remind her of him? what are those things? is it something you can prehaps not do for the time being until she feels comfortable?
The only one who can help your girlfriend overcome this situation is your girlfriend.
You can only be there for her to talk to and comfort.
You've both been through a tough time so its important you be there for one another more now then ever.
I would suggest you both spend time together and do active things which will bring you closer together -such as going for walks, trips, or sightseeing, this will help you talk about other things not just focus on the past. It will help raise your spirits and energy too.
Hope this helps and things will get better for both of you.
Goodluck.
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