A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if I'm seeing too much into things but please do tell me if I'm wrong!My sisters husband has been hitting on me lately and he has been doing this ever since he became my sisters boyfriend,at first I thought it was harmless flirting..So I don't meet my sister and her husband that often only family gatherings,so when I first met him he said 'had I met you first things would have been very different with ur sister' ..and then in the next few meetings he said things like 'your gorgeous,and honestly ever since I laid my eyes on you I can't get it off' ,when he met my boyfriend 'he points out a mirror image of both of us and says 'now this is what I call a match'..the reason I can't tell my sister is she's always been jealous,she thinks I steal everything from her,the men she liked only dated her to get to me,I got what I wanted so we were never really close,if I say this to her,she'l think that I'm stealing her love from her!I told her husband you shouldn't be talking to me like this and he said 'why not,I speak my mind always'..had it been my way the ring would have been in ur finger but u have a bf so! I was shocked I told my bf,we have decided to not see them anymore,not even attend any gatherings,but I still feel my sister should know!what do I do?
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female
reader, Anonumous  +, writes (2 July 2016):
Just avoid him completely,whenever he texts u don't read n delete them .you can even change your phone number wthout him to know .nevertheless shouldn't show any attractive way to seduce him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): We'll have to disagree then anon and male reader because I see it a different way.
There was nothing snide in what I said, I'm not going to pussy foot around someone with a problem that is easily solved with a bit of moral fortitude and I merely highlighted how this is going to seem. If I were here sister I'd have to wonder if it was that bad then why did she not tell me and why did she not stop him?
I didn't say she encouraged it I said she didn't stop it. That to me is a big deal. I can only advise someone based on my own interpretation and my own beliefs. I'm not going to feel sorry for someone who could so very easily deal with this or have dealt with it in the past but now is punishing her sister instead.
I don't mean to hurt the OP, nor do I mean to upset her. But I'm not going to cry and baby her and tell her this is all the evil man's doing when she can very easily stop him by telling him in no uncertain terms to fuck off with that shit. How the hell is hard to just say outright don't ever talk to me in that way again? Simple set of words.
She doesn't have to listen to my advice, I'm just an anonymous guy online she is completely free to ignore.
Male reader where's your advice to her? You don't give any at all, so criticize me all you want you have done nothing to help her.
As for your advice anon, your welcome to your opinion as am I, and my opinion is she should tell him straight up never to talk to her that way again and if she also wants to tell her sister then she can do so too but I think she would be better served dealing with him first.
Her sister did nothing wrong in this situation, why should everything be dumped on her to sort out? Why is she the one now being avoided by the OP because of what her husband did?
That's how I see things, that's how I think this situation would be best resolved and I may be right or wrong, I can only tell the OP what I see and what I'd do based on my own life experiences. This is exactly what I'd tell anyone I know and love, I believe in brutal honesty and calling it how I see, not feeling sympathy for people who can't stand up for themselves.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 OP this is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Personally I think you need to tell him the next time he says this to you "IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN I AM TELLING MY SISTER WHAT A DOG YOU ARE" if he says "but I have to speak my mind" then go get your sister right then and there and say "ok SPEAK YOUR MIND NOW" and watch him squirm.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Cerberus,What your doing is comparing 2 women,ur fiance and OP ..which is absolutely wrong on your part,we can't tell the pain OP is going thru having her brother in law at her back all the time,she thinks going away would be better so she could let her husband and sister live peacefully!OP all I can say is first off ignore cerberus snide remarks,if u want ur sister to know about it then next time he does it,stop him right there and call your sister!and ask ur sister to notice how he behaves with you!I know things with ur sister isn't all green but I sure do know you care abt her..safe OP!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Wow cerberus,I am absolutely shocked at the way u have handled this question!She talks abt her troubled past with her sister,she has asked him to back off and ur on her asking why she encouraged it!shame on you for talking abt a woman like that!The girl is in desperate need of help and she turns to us,not to have you judge her character..!SHAME on you really!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): Most siblings have jealousy issues or compare themselves to each other.. However from your post I get the feeling you have enjoyed to a degree the attention from your sister past bf ( and hubby) and yes us females do like a bit of make attention but we normally draw a line as blood is thicker than water, so they say.. If you have dated any of her past bfs then I can clearly see there will be mistrust if you tell your sister this, and it may look like your again rubbing her face in the fact most men fancy you..I would advise you ( same as honeypie ) to tape him but I would also be stressing to you to stick up for your sister and let him know.. That if he misread you being friendly as something more, then he is hugely mistaken, as he is insulting your sister, insulting your and hers relationships not to mention you and your boyfriends.. He needs to back of ASAP .. As if he doesn't you will tell you sister .. As teenagers we act childish selfish and think the world revolves around ourselves. We sometimes hurt the people we love .. But as we mature we can put childish things away and define ourselves by the actions we now take as adults .. Here's your chance, to define yourself and act like the sister you need to be.. I'm not laying any blame, but you need to be supportive.. Offer to take her out for lunch . Get to know each other as adults... Learn to bond with each other . Take care sweetie x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): I'm not sure your sister should know OP because you haven't exactly covered yourself in glory by not making it absolutely clear he is never to speak to you in that way. The time for her to know was the first time he said something like that and only after you'd responded in a way that he knows without any doubt you're not the kind of girl who will be spoken to in that way. But no, what do you do? You let him, you allow him to continue to talk to you this way and you do it all behind her back, not only that but you've now made the decision to cut your sister out of your life too because you can't handle how he speaks to you?
So you decide to run away instead of dealing with him? Run away from your own sister too?
You let your sister marry a guy who tried it on with you when they were together without saying anything to her?
Shit OP, how is she going to see this in any other way than you fucking her over? If he decides to say it's not like you say it happened, then you can't exactly claim the moral high ground because you let this continue for so long. You've been letting him do this since he was her boyfriend and now he does it again and who do you punish? Your sister. That's a pretty shitty deal if you ask me OP.
She has a total sleazebag prick of a husband she can't trust and a sister who hasn't got her back and will happily throw her away too just to avoid her husband? You could have stopped him right in his tracks the first time he ever said something like that but you didn't.
"I told her husband you shouldn't be talking to me like this and he said 'why not,I speak my mind always'..had it been my way the ring would have been in ur finger but u have a bf so!"
I showed my fiancée your post and asked her what her response to him saying that would be. Here's what she said:
"What the fuck are you talking about? I tried to gently tell you to back off but seeing as you don't take the hint let me make this clear to you. Go fuck yourself, don't you ever speak to me in that way again, or not only will I fucking let it be known to everyone what you're like and what you say to me when no one is around but if I ever hear of you speaking to any other woman other than my sister that way I'll fucking destroy your life. You're nothing but a cunt, do not fucking try me again or you'll regret the day you were fucking born. I'm watching you."
You know, because she's kind of protective of her family in that way OP, she won't stand for people stepping out of line with her. You've tolerated it and now look where you are?
Stop avoiding him and your sister, next time you have a chance you stand up for yourself and your sister OP and you make it damn well clear you will not stand for that. If you need extra courage, then have your boyfriend there with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Do you have a cell phone? If so, record him next time he hits on you.
And honestly, I'd tell him to leave you the heck alone, that you do not need his compliments.
If you and your sister have a relationship where you don't feel like you can tell her this I would pretty much avoid them both unless you can spend time with her alone.
He sounds like an idiot!
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