A
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age
,
*acqui1963BY
writes:I am a 46-year-old businesswoman, who's well-liked in my local community.However, it's my personal life that's troubling - I came home from work one afternoon to find my husband and 16-year-old son smoking bongs together in the living room.I was so livid I asked them where the hell they'd got them from, and they admitted they bought it off the Internet.I know teenagers can be defiant, my 21-year-old daughter was a little rebellious in her teens but not to this extent.Yet my husband and son just want to keep smoking bongs, and they insist I'm being stuck-up and "prissy".How can I convince them it's bad for their health? They won't even go to the doctors when I tell them they should do so about this!Even worse, the next day, I received a phone call off my son's school principal saying he'd seen my son smoking a bong in the car park - and he suspended my son for a fortnight.I've already punished my son by cutting off his access to socialising and fast food - but I worry it won't work.how how how can I deal with this? I'm overly stressed thinking about how to deal with the situation.
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reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 As long as your husband is your son's dealer (he bought it off the internet for him) there is no way for you to enact your influence. IT is also very likely that your husband introduced the drugs to your son.
First, did you know your husband did drugs? Do you do drugs with him? If you knew of your husbands drug use, did you really think your children would not find out, or be influenced by it? My guess is that this has been going on for a long time, and you are just finding out.
First things first. Go see a family lawyer. At the very least your husband is guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. If you do not act against you, you could be held as an accessory.
The lawyer will tell you exactly what your rights are and what evidence you need to collect (photos, hidden video camera, etc...) to gain custody of your son. Get evidence that you can use in court, and then act within the boundaries of the law.
Your husband is either with you or against you, and if he is doing drugs with your son, he is against you. If he is an addict, you can not trust him to do the right thing. You will have to act alone. This may include re-working your career to spend more time at home.
Do not wait on this. Good luck.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is a very difficult situation, mainly made more difficult by your husband. The problem is that your husband (who is one authority figures in the house) has made it okay to bring in and use drugs. Unless both of you are able to get on the same page as to what you should be teaching your children and what limitations you should be setting, there is going to be a power struggle in your home.
Pot is normally an introductory drug. I am young (in my mid-20s) so I remember high school and the introduction of drugs very well. At first it was smoking cigarettes, then it seemed harmless to smoke pot, then it was okay to drink mass quantities of alcohol and then it seemed logical to experiment with any way of getting high. I was always afraid of more serious drugs but my friends quickly galloped into the tunnel of drugs which had no light at the end of it.
At this point, I think no action is too severe. You have to set a plan with your husband first and then you have to be a real disciplinarian. If you find drug paraphernalia you don't just confiscate it, you throw it away and/or destroy it. Set down some house rules to make sure your kids understand what and what will not be tolerated. If rules are broken then the consequences should be more than just no socializing. It should mean no allowance, no phone, no television for whatever length of time you decide.
You are in a difficult situation so I wish you a lot of luck but more than luck, you will need strength.
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