A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He is abroad on work tenure, coming back in June/July. We are a great couple and have maintained well so far even in long distances. It has been 2 years and most of our relationship has been virtual only as he left right after proposing to me. And its getting really hard now for us to maintain touch and communication. He has suddenly got a lot of work responsibilities. He works from 9 am til 12 midnight. All his team members have left for home country and he is the one left behind in his dept. Its really tiring for him to come back at night and have a talk with me. We were so regular earlier. We used phone calls very less coz of the costs. We used to talk daily without fail on voice chat. It just got me so habituated to it. Now the days are soooo dull and different. I miss him so much. He stays in a very very veryyyy bad mood coz of WORK PRESSURE. Sometimes he even shouted at me...n felt guilty later. I always understood and stood by him. Now sometimes we don't talk for 1-2 days at stretch. I used to feel really insecure but have made myself understand that its all fine..just temporary work pressure he is dealing with. But he has become so negative about things....talks about being alone...being angry...he said he stays in such bad moods n anger coz of bosses n stuff that he doesnt even feel like getting online to talk. He said he didnt want to give me tensions. And also was not sure what to talk. I asked him to share stuff but he says its just work pressure...too much of it. He says he feels like dying sometimes coz people have unrealistic expectations!!! I feel so sad for him..so helpless...I cant even help him in this except boosting him. But I know he gets irritated if I keep saying those things also and he just wants to sleep then. He never attends calls during work hours. Does not even leave or reply messages. He is like that only. I felt bad and told him once. Next day he came online saying he was missing me a lot and also got scared coz of my offliners where I fired at him for being inconsiderate and not having even 5 minutes for me. I just made him understand its all a passing phase. I am always with him. We cant let him affect our relationship and I am doing everything I can to maintain it. He says he too wants but has no time for himself even. I feel worried and scared...insecure also.Work pressure can arise anytime in future also. As per present times...he completely forgot about me due to work and even about the relationship. Maybe he is too secure about it and I am not. But still I feel work is work and one shouldn't mix it with relationships and let it affect the relations.Presently..I want him to stay in touch daily...by any means...but I cant order him coz he is already going through a lot. He won't attend my calls I know. I just need to hear from him daily...but cant force it upon him as it might make him irritated. I am scared about our relationship's future. He has become just too negative about things. Even about us...I can feel that from his talks. He says he has lost all pace of our talks but would be back after sometime...he feels too guilty about things...about work...about me..everything..he is not able to handle the pressure. I don't know how to deal with this thing...He says he misses me a lot sometimes in the day...and I cant stop thinking about him. I am really worried about him. As for me I keep work n relatnshp separate...but I just make myself understand that he might be going through too much work coz earlier he maintained it extremely well.I still dont want his work to affect 'us' coz work wont be there this way always...but 'we' have to be good and get better with time. I feel gaps create mess...I might be wrong...it depends on the couple...but here I am trying my best..keeping things stable...wishing always that he would turn up online only for few minutes...I feel he doesnt realise how it can change things....or am I thinking too negatively??It has been two weeks only and he says he has lost his pace...this way he would lose 'us' completely I am afraid...what should I do...please help..I wana make him feel better...stronger...and make him realise that love is what has to last and it should be our first priority.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all those who replied. It was really helpful. I just kept going positively with patience and things are wonderful between us now. It was just a phase. I tried to see things from his side and tried to show more trust. He is back to the way he was..all loving, caring and thoughtful. Even now he is loaded with work but we are going strong and stay connected. I think it was important and really required of me to stop nagging and complaining and just be positive about things. I love him even more now :)Thank you all...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): why not just give him sometime...if he says he would get back to normal then atleast let him be...i dont think its wise to load him more with the relationship issue...he isnt going anywhere...he loves you too...but is just occupied right now and tells you honestly how he is feeling. its clear he isnt able to handle the pressure and the relationship at the same time. now its upto you to think if you can be patient enough to let him get out of his tough times in his own ways. maybe he is really tensed...and since he is abroad alone so it adds to the woes.
maybe you should try keeping your cool. be there for him when he wants and stop cribbing about relationship to him. coz he wouldn't be in a position to understand or even reply to you. It doesnt mean he doesnt care.
You can bring up this issue later when the pressure gets off him and he is back to normal.
just be there for him. dont pressurise him more. be positive yourself and love him unconditionally. keep a contact your own ways..messages offliners anything and go up and talk whenever he wants. it doesnt make you a small person....i feel you love him a lot. use it well.
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A
female
reader, onlyone20  +, writes (16 March 2010):
okay i understand where your coming from my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and he lived 356 miles away from me for 6 month's over that time we would both get angry and upset i was a medical student and was going to school full-time and working nights he was also working and going to school so we would go 2 days without talking sometimes and it was hard he was angry and i was upset i made the effort to make time to talk to him and i felt he wasn't making any effort at all so i told him work and school was only temporary and we shouldn't be angry like this because we knew it would work out with us in the long run we were meant to be together i told him if i could make it through medical school we can make it through the next few month's and he realized that too tell your boyfriend you two have made it this far why give up now? tell him if he wants to be with you then he need to stop taking his anger at work out on you and your relationship with each other and remind him its only temporary its not going to be like that forever he needs reassurance trust me if he loves you he will make it work no matter what and if your the only one giving effort then its not a healthy relationship you will drive yourself insane being insecure about it tell him your not trying to pressure him your just trying to save the only thing in his life that he has to look forward too and be happy about because if he hates work and hates where hes at at least he knows he has a girl that cares about him more than anything to make him smile when times are rough......life is not easy and work is hard especially in his environment but things can only get better think positive not negative and don't worry too much...my husband and got married last year and our life is amazing i am still working and doing my 3rd year residency to be a medical doctor things get rough but all ways think positive when your in love you make things work and if hes not making an effort then you definitely need to speak up and straight up tell him or things will get worse
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