A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help me please.... what should i do.. . im a guy that has spent 4 and half years with a girl . we were engaged, but had problems with drinking and fighting,issues from past and her 22 year old kid that has caused so much trouble in the family thtat her father, sister , grandparents would not take her in when she was kicked out of her apartment . so we took her in and she caused a lot of trouble and friction and resentment between my fiance and i ,..basically 7 months ago we were drinking got into a argument , it got loud. and the cops were called. and i got escorted out of there and she said it was over and all this. . but i got in contact with her bout a month or so later cause i couldnt before that .she wouldnt talk to me . anyways since the day i had contacted her we have decided to work things out . i went an sat up counselling for myself . for anger management . and for couples counselling for us . ive been doing that since october , have quit drinking since then too . everything has been going to great lately excellent actually we havent argued bout anything in months, she also let me put my engagement ring back on her finger. .so things were going great until today. when i found out that she went out with other men just like that that one month or 6 weeks or whatever it was . she saw 2 different guys . but i was told there was 5 different guys. but she said she made the other 3 guys up becasue of her kids . she didnt want them knowing she was seeing me again . but in that little bit of time apart she did have sex with one of the guys she said . the other she didnt she said . . she also said she told the other guy whom she slept with she was gonna try to work it out with her x ,, me.. at the time . so im thinking while she was talking to me .she was with him too. . i just put the ring back on not long ago . weve been so in love all over again . but she said she wasnt with me we were broke up ... does that make it ok . it doesnt make me feel like she didnt cheat on me . . it makes me feel like she did . i loves her sooooo much ., she said she loves me and wants me . how can i get past this? . knowing she slept with another man just weeks after we broke up . and few weeks later she back talking to me . all i can picture his her having sex with him . it makes me ill to the point i can almost throw up . how can i get through this . i loves her i wants to be with her . but shes been with another man if not more . and im very very very adament about being faithful . i never had any desire to go be with another woman other than her .. i always said to her one thing is i would never ever cheat .never cause i wouldnt want anyone cheating on me. .. yet were apart for 6 weeks maybe and she was with 1 guy and had sex with him . and seen another guy . and i was told there were 3 other guys . but she said she made them up . . what do i do . how can i cope or get through this .how can i be intimate with her without thinking of her and him or them together . . please help lost hurt betrayed . ill . sick . i am so messed up rite now . everything just fell apart again . please someone help me .
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey im the guy that wrote this question, and apparently i should have added more to this .,,cause theres alot more .. her daughter has another 2 weeks to leave the house because she herself verbally abused her mother and she had had enough and called the cops on her to get her removed from the house,,,, the daughter played a major part in our troubles ,, she never wanted us together after her mother and father split up. she did everything she could to break us up . her mother said so herself.... . and also . this wasnt all me as some think.. i was told that that she was seeing these other guys by her oldest daughter today,, she saw me and followed me home to talk to me . she told me her mother needs help , she needs to stop drinking an that she knows its not all me . causee her mother has been voilent to her father in the past .. and to me ... so this is not all me being volitile or whatever ,,., and also it was only like 3 weeks after the incident that i was talking to her,, communicating with her telling her i wanted her back i loved her an everything . and then on sept 20 i took her to a cabin getaway... and she had sex with me . ..and her daughter told me that she never have babysat her grandson since that nite but my finance was seeing me and seeing this other guy cause she told me she was babysitting at least 5 or 6 different times when her daughter said she didnt babysit once for her..... so she was seeing me , talking to me having sex with me . ans seeing him and having sex with him too . once she said . can i believe that . how can i get through this . i am so ripped apart . i loves her so much . i was just with her . i cant barely look at her . how can i get past this . someone pls help me .
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (16 March 2015):
 The heart does not care about the technicalities of what constitutes cheating. She did have the freedom to do what she wanted. What you have to worry about is the intention of taking you back. Is it because you accept her and her daughter because no one else would? Because to have sex with someone else means she was ready to move on and stopped loving you. I don't believe the lie that she told her children there were 5 guys because she didn't want them to think she was still with you. It doesn't make sense. There is reason why the images bother you so much. I think you have to slow down on the engagement until you know this woman better, you are confident that both of you can stay sober for a long time, and that issues regarding her daughter are resolved so mistakes won't repeat itself again.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 March 2015):
 You ask: "...how can i get past this?"
From all that you've "asked" in your submittal...I'd ask, "Why bother?" You and she are CLEARLY not much of a match....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): She DID NOT cheat on you.
You got violent and she had a restraining order against you. You were in every sense of the word OVER. I'm surprised that she took you back considering the volatility of your relationship.
Regarding your feelings, you simply have to get over any sense of betrayal because, well, there was no betrayal. It is all in your head.
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