A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok i'll make this short and sweet!!I'm 23 (ok 24 tomorrow) my boyfriend is 28. I am over-weight and very insecure with low self-esteem....I have PCOS (which has made me struggle alot with my weight and I am constantly trying to loose weight)Anyway my boyfriends fantasy is the school girl...he loves short tartan skirts!!How do you go somewhere knowing that all the staff are females between the ages of 18-25 (pub event) and are all perfectly thin and have immaculate hair and make-up and because of the event they will all be wearing tartan mini skirts? How do I get over it and feel like my bf isnt checking out the barmaids etc?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2014): What makes you think he likes that kind of woman, OP? I mean he's with you, your body type may well be what he finds perfect. I know my wife's body is my favourite. Short with a nice round, voluptuous figure and a nice bit extra in the right places, I love a nice soft belly with a bit of jiggle.
What makes you think him noticing them means anything?
You get over it by realising he has eyes and he will see other women but that does not mean he will compare them to you, lust after them or feel anything at all. He will however have a pretty shitty time if you're just going to sit there all depressed and obsessed with some stupid, yes OP stupid idea that somehow being thin and wearing a skirt makes women prettier than you.
Frankly it's kind of insulting that women think we're so weak and superficial that we can only like or prefer that kind of woman.
OP it takes a lot of discipline and practice not to gawp at a woman whose tits or ass are hanging out, it doesn't mean we lust after them, it's just objectification, a faceless pair of tits with no significance. I don't need to worry about that because my wife is the same as me and will actively point out beautiful men or women. We can appreciate the beauty of a person without feeling threatened by it because we're very happy with who we are and what we have with each other.
There's more to beauty than looks or weight. Beauty is emotional and love is the most powerful emotion so objectively by societal standards there will probably be women that fit into the "prettier" category but his love for you means none of them compare if he was even bothered to compare in the first place.
I know my wife would never be considered a model or win a 'Miss anything' but to me there is no woman that tops her.
What you're really saying to us is that you doubt your boyfriend and don't trust that he feels that way about you. Well then why are you with him at all?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2014): From what I know about PCOS, it causes obesity, acne, and a some women have access hair growth. With such symptoms I can understand why you would feel so insecure about your boyfriend.
If your boyfriend is a heterosexual male, there is no way you're going to stop him from admiring pretty girls. It's unrealistic. Expecting him to never want to look at anyone but you; is bordering on impossible, if not a little crazy.
He has chosen you as his girlfriend; which accounts for the fact that he is attracted to you and cares about you. You can't expect him not to want go out and have fun. There are pretty girls everywhere you turn; not just in bars. Do you expect him to stay home; or wear a blindfold every-time he goes out the door.
You may need to incorporate a little therapy and counseling
into your life-style; to help you deal with body-image issues, and the anxiety that your medical disorder is creating for you. You will drive men away; because it will become difficult dealing with your discomfort that is caused more by anxiety and coping with your illness; then your boyfriend looking at other women.
Men are visual creatures. As long as we have eyes and can see, we will admire things that are attractive to the eye.
You can't expect any human being, male or female, to find only one single person on the earth to be attractive. You should expect him to find only one person on this earth to be his chosen mate. Right now, that's you.
You will find life miserable if you can't live with the fact that your boyfriend finds other people attractive.
You and a host of other females, would be lying if they claim they suddenly go blind and immune to a the charms of a handsome guy.
Claiming they don't find other men attractive; because they have a boyfriend or husband. That be the case, movie stars and soap opera starts would go extinct. There would be no male idles or icons of any kind. Attractive male celebrities build their careers on being attractive to women, or the leading man is useless in a chick flick.
Stop looking at pretty girls?
That just doesn't happen.
We become satisfied and content with our chosen mates. Learn to curb our sexual impulses; and control sending out signals of our attraction to other people. Men will handle this to a degree. They should show respect in the presence of their significant other; but don't expect him to act like he has no attraction to females.
You learn to get over it by dealing with it, or getting help if you can't. Sometimes people have be adults and just be realistic about life. We can give into every little anxiety that makes us uncomfortable, and let them drive us and everyone around us nuts. Or, we can just realize that some fears are just irrational, and there are things that bother us that we just learn to live with.
If your boyfriend doesn't have a habit of cheating and chasing skirts, you'll just have to learn to trust him.
If you want a straight guy who doesn't look at women, you may need a blind man.
There is no way on earth that we should hold other people accountable for our insecurities. When things trouble us to the degree they become crippling or incapacitating; or we impose our irrational fears on others. It's high time we seek professional treatment, to help us to cope and to function as healthy individuals.
Sometimes, we just have to depend on our trust and maturity to deal with life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2014): No doubt boyfriend will be checking out the barmaids but you can be completely assured that the only thing that they will be checking out about him is his wallet.
You need to realize that barmaids are businesspersons who earn their livings by inducing men such as your boyfriend to part with as much cash as possible by catering to their fantasies, which is why pubs promote such events as having the staff dress as schoolgirls but to them it's just another day at the office and just another way to separate a customer from his money. Any feigned interest a barmaid may show in your boyfriend is $tri¢t£y profe$$iona£.
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