A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please tell me if this doesn't make sense to you - it's just really hard to put into words.So I have this friend on Facebook that I've seemed to have developed a crush on. We'd occasionally share likes and comments on each others posts and when those comments became long conversations, they made me feel really happy. My friends messaged me saying that they thought I should date him and that they would consider us their "one true pairing" if we did get together. It's not like this is just some random internet guy, this is a guy who I have met before a few times but we never really spent some time alone together. Now since it started my crush has really developed, strongly. Now I'm starting to believe that he's dating somebody else and since I thought it may have been heading somewhere, I now feel crappy.I would have messaged or spoke to him about it but knowing my reputation; I would've had immediate rejection. Not that I'm a wh*re or anything, I'm just the last girl any guy would want. So I was wondering if anybody could give me some tips on getting over this extremely strong crush other than trying to find somebody else because I have literally 0% experience in the dating department and like I said before, I'm not the top of anybodys list... Thank you :)
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male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 September 2015):
 Stay away from social media. It's as simple as that. Try and have a real relationship with a real person.
Sometimes you have to take a chance on talking to someone, or joining a club where you can meet people. It needn't be a dating club. Probably better if it isn't. Join a choir or an art class.
Invite a few friends around for a meal. Socialise.
A full-on computer life doesn't cut it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2015): Time and the futility of the situation will force you to accept reality.
Crushes are feelings and emotions mostly rooted in your imagination. Fantasy. Being stubborn to accept reality keeps a lot of people on therapist's couches and in hospital wards. People simply allow themselves to give-in to their impulses or imagination; and that causes a lot of unnecessary pain and frustration.
You're young, but not a child. You do know that if he has a girlfriend, that your feelings about him are irrelevant. He had every opportunity to date you, if that was what he wanted. Stop letting your friends egg you on. They're being mean on the sly, knowing he already has a girlfriend. They are mocking you to some extent. Making fun of your crush. Urging you to disrespect his relationship, says your friends have questionable character. Coaxing you to go after someone already taken.
You're his media-chum. His chat-buddy. He apparently cares for his girlfriend, if he never made any overtures beyond chat and a few visits. Hopefully, you didn't have sex.
A few words of advice to you. If you show a lot of insecurity about yourself, that's a turnoff to most guys; and they get tired of girls constantly needing reassurance and wasting a lot of their energy trying to make her like herself. It's a downer and gets very exhausting. Some need therapy more than they need a boyfriend. So stop putting yourself down. You'll start believing the bad things you say "to and about" yourself.
Time to grow-up and behave as an adult. You say other guys wouldn't want you? Maybe because you don't allow yourself to learn how to interact beyond social-media. Mostly relying on digital connection over one-on-one. Hiding behind your digital-virtual persona versus who you really are. You can't read real emotion using emoticons!
Guys will hardly take you seriously; if you're mostly pics, selfies, and text messages. They get that from everybody. They've got to know what kind of real personality you have. You also have to show some maturity and ability to interact on different levels. Getting over him is a matter of will.
You'll get there. All it takes is practice and some self-control. You don't just go where your wildest desires lead you, my dear. You have to use more than emotions to deal with people. You also have to show them your intelligence, charm, sense of humor; and they have to see how you behave in-person. Give them warmth. You become socially-awkward and uneasy around people; if you only know how to relate to them through a device.
He never really connected; because the majority of your time together was between devices. You exchanged social tweets and messages, and rarely see each other. So he liked the "social-media you" more than the "live-you" perhaps.
I know young people love their devices, but many I know "date" people with personalities; over people with a dependence on technology. When it comes to romance, that is. They can actually have fun together. Once they start that flurry of messages, constant barrages of minute by minute updates; and a virtual social-media blitz; that's when they often drift apart. It's a saturation of their presence that drives them away from each other.
You get tired of that; because everyone you know is doing it. Love yourself and guys will follow your lead. Crushes fade all by themselves. They require no special attention, just some maturity; and a determination to move on.
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