A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How do I get my husband to open up to me sexually, I have asked him to tell me what turns him on, all he says is "shut up" I have worn stockings and suspenders and not told him, let him discover it for himself when he felt my legs, then all he said was "you shouldn't be wearing them to go to work are you trying to make me jealous" I asked him if he liked them, he just shrugged his shoulders, years ago he loved me to wear them, he asked me to. I have asked about his fantasies, I know that his head is full of them he says "shut up and stop pushing" years ago he phoned a sex chat line behind my back, when I discovered it on the bill and asked him about it he said his friend had told him to do it, I told him never to do it again, because it is not a nice thing for a married man to do and it cost a fortune, I never spoke about it again. I never noticed anything odd until about 2 years ago, when he went strange about having sex with me, we would go 4 or 5 months without it, he would cuddle me and be affectionate, but when I asked what was wrong he would always say nothing is wrong, I am just getting older that's all, he is only 48, not old enough to stop wanting to have sex with your wife who still wants to.He was watching porn and masturbating when I discovered this at least I had an answer as to why he didn't want to have sex with me, so he stopped, I have not seen any evidence of it since, he could have got better at hiding it from me, now he does have sex with me on his terms, will never let me turn him on, and he quite frequently loses his erection, but he won't go to a counsellor, he has been checked at the doc's and the blood test came back fine. Does he not find me sexually attractive, he says he loves me, but I really am thinking he does not fancy me, he does not like to talk about it and we have never talked openly about sex, we have been married years.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (15 December 2007):
 'Shut up' is really REALLY not an acceptable answer. I think your suggestion to go to a councillor (together) is the right one, I would recommend pushing that harder. As hard as you need to to make it happen (which sounds like it will have to be very hard indeed). The fact that you have never talked openly about sex yet have been married for years means a councillor is probably necessary to break the ice.
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (15 December 2007):
 There could be any number of reasons for this.
One possible reason could be that he is still wrapped up with porn. I will supply a couple of links to websites that should give you some eye opening information as well as some constructive advice.
Another reason for his behavior could be that he may be losing his potency and because of embarrassment is avoiding sex as much as possible.
In some cases impotence is psychological although there are many more physical problems that can be a cause such as diabetes just to name one. I am also providing a link to another website on this subject as well.
Check out the links provided and see what you think. I hope they help. Doc
http://www.filterguide.com/harmful.htm
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030722/article_03.htm
http://health.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=2975
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