A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend wants to do more in bed, But I usually try new positions with him every time but he still says it's the same old thing and it's getting boring.I say no to certain positions because im nervous after maybe the second or third time he asks I usually do it. but then he wants another new way to do it.He's my first real sex partner so of course I get embarresed of my body or I get shy about saying certain things.How do I get more confidence about sex?And how do I get him to slow down a bit?
View related questions:
confidence, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hello kitty 101 +, writes (23 September 2008):
 well sweetie first of all you should never let a man pressure you in to do anything you dont wont to do. if he does like it you dont him you can do much better. also never be scared how you loo k everyone is pretty in there on way dont let anyone ever tell you different the ony thing that matterrs is that you thing your doing good during sex what you think about yourself.and as long as you think ur doing the right thing no everybody is perfect there 1st few times dont be afarid 2 tell him u wnt to slow down he should understand if he dont just leave him u dont need that and maybe hes boring to you
A
female
reader, Blonde-babey  +, writes (25 August 2008):
hey
well wid the age thing as long as you are in a relationship you fell comfty with then i think its nt too bad however you sound like you dnt feel confty with your boyfriend and you should NEVER let him pressure or force you into doing anything you do not want to do. you should take it at a speed you both agree with even if it means him slowing down x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): You are too young to be having sex, you shouoldn't be in a relationship if you can't stand up and be firm with your b/f.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Hi, to slow him down for a bit sounds like a good idea, especially if you are in the 13-15 age range. In fact, stopping wouldn't be a bad thing, as you are technically underage, and he might get in trouble for having sex with you. How old is he? You didn't put that in your question.
You know something? I think you are trying too hard to please a guy when you're not really sure you want to be doing some of these things.
The other aunts have given you good advice here, so please read it.
When I was around your age, my mother gave me the greatest gift. She said to me that if I needed to get out of a situation I didn't want to be in, that I should just blame it on her, on her being too strict and unreasonable. She would be happy to be the 'bad mom' if she needed to be, if that would protect me from harm. And you know, I used that excuse a couple of times.
"No, I'm sorry, I have a very strict mother, and I cannot do XXX YYYY or ZZZZZ."
"I would like to to XXXX, but I cannot because my mother will not allow it."
I still thank her for being such a wise mom.
Do NOT do anything that you really do not want to do. If you're worried that you're going to lose him as a boyfriend if you ask him to slow down or even stop, well if he really cares about you, he will respect your limits.
If he does not, he is a loser. That's the simple truth here.
Take good care of yourself, please and don't do anything if you really don't want to.
XXX
...............................
A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (30 May 2008):
 I'll say it for everyone - you are very young to be having sex.
Disregarding the age issue for the moment, though.
In sex, as in anything else, you should never have to do anything you don't want to. If you aren't comfortable with something, let your boyfriend know. Sex is meant to be pleasing for the both of you - not just for you to do what he wants.
If you want him to slow down, TELL HIM. Don't expect him to read your mind. Sit him down and let him know - if he loves you enough to be having sex with you, then he should also respect your decision in wanting to slow down a little.
As for the confidence issue? I'd say it's pretty usual for girls to be overly concious of their bodies - I get the same way from time to time. Perhaps let your boyfriend know that you are a little embarassed about your body - let him tell you otherwise. Everyone likes a little encouragement. And realize that if he is having sex with you, then you must have something good to offer.
But I said it at the start, and I'll re-iterate here - you ae very young. This could well be the reason you feel embarassed, nervous and overwhelmed. There is a reason the legal age is 16, love. Perhaps you just aren't as ready as you thought you were. Know that there is no harm in getting your boyfriend to stop for a while - he should respect your wishes.
Good luck to you, either way. =)
...............................
A
female
reader, honkifuluvnicole +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Here is a suggestion:
Stop having sex!!! If you are only 13-15 years old, that is FAR too young to be having sex.
You aren't fully developed yet, things will change when you are older.
Just enjoy time with him now, and if you end up with him in a few years, then try new things.
...............................
|
