A
male
age
41-50,
*luenest
writes:Hello.We have been dating almost 5 years and recently engaged.I have a great passion for traveling. In fact we are planning our vacation which will be our first together.Last night, I told her I will also have my own travel plans alone or with my guy friends(friends with her too). To this she got so annoyed that she just took off her engagement ring and gave it to me saying I'm not contented with her, I am not serious about the relationship..etc.Am I wrong here? Why was it such a big issue. She took the ring back but we have not spoken since then.How do i fix this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): Why is she so mad? Because she, like many many people, feel that once you have found your partner, boys trips should be a thing of the past, bachelor days. Most couples do travel exclusively with each other (for the most part), however on occasion do travel with other family members. But usually not with single bachelor friends. One exception is if one partner really loves to travel, and the other hates it/ is scared of planes, then sometimes they can work out an agreement. But this is NOT your case, sir, you have a fiancee who is ready and willing to travel with you?! So why hang on to the bachelor trips?Surely she must think that no good will come of these bachelor trips. Perhaps getting much too drunk, flirting with girls at bars, visiting strip clubs, and the like. And surely she is right?These things are for young single men to enjoy. When you choose to settle down, you choose to commit yourself to your partner. That is my take on it. Each couple must come to an agreement that suits the two of them.If you and your girlfriend are literally miles apart on this critical issue, you really should re-evaluate whether you should be going forward. The danger is (i've seen it happen before), because she loves you she decides to put up with your demands for free travel, she stays at home feeling cheated and neglected, but holds her tongue. Eventually she decides to make her own fun (and you can imagine how...). If she thinks you are behaving like a bachelor she will behave like a bachelorette, I assure you. The other danger is that YOU compromise, and yet will you always resent her for crushing your dreams and guy times?I think maybe you need to find more of a free spirit girl who won't care, and she needs to find a more old-fashioned committed man. So think this one over carefully.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): How do you fix it?
Tell her you won't be going on a guy's trip.
Simple.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): Go on the vacation as planned. You are still engaged, and you were open and honest about the vacation. She offered you dramatics to see if she could persuade you to change your mind. Giving back the ring didn't work; so now you get the silent treatment.
If you have mischievous friends; and she knows them to be womanizers, you're not being very smart. I suggest you weigh the pros and cons. If you are trustworthy, she would be more secure. Would she not?
They are likely to pressure you into misbehaving, and you are likely to give-in to peer pressure like an adolescent. You can't be so naive as to believe any woman will go for you going on a vacation alone with a bunch of male buddies. It will be your last hurrah, and they will certainly make a point of that. There will be lots of libation, women, and tom-foolery; if it's a pack of guys, and you know it. So does she!
I suggest you go, but return earlier than expected. I also suggest you keep in-touch to reassure and comfort her. You will build trust that way, and she will feel she is still a priority in your life.
If she was going on a trip alone with some girlfriends, would that be okay with you? If it wouldn't? Then cancel the trip. Don't set a double-standard. That sucks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2017): I'm confused wondering why you never vacationed together if you've been together for five years. And if you want to marry her why would you rather go alone or with you're friends instead of her?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2017):
 I think you might have approached it wrong, instead off telling her you are going to go away with friends maybe you should have sat her down and asked her opinion on you going away with friends. I mean are you talking a week or a month? If you are going to get married then you should be asking her opinion on these matters as well instead off just letting her that it is happening. Call her tell her you are sorry for upsetting her and ask her can she meet you to talk things through.
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