A
male
age
41-50,
*ehashi
writes:I have been with my gf for about 3 years and I believe I have screwed up in that I grew complacent and began treating the relationship like a friendship and not a boyfriend/girlfriend thing.This is my first relationship of any kind and I really am not sure what to do. Recently she has begun socializing on Second Life and that is what brought light to our problems. As of 2 days ago I have started trying to be more intimate with her (which is one big problem she mentioned) but with her on SL all the time I get ignored/brushed aside or I have to schedule time with her around what she does there.I really do not want to lose my relationship but I don't know how to repair the damage I caused when I can't even get time with her.How do I fix this? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, darkbaronsspy +, writes (4 January 2009):
man i know wat you mean and im sorry to say but things might have to be worked out on there own,but i do have a question about it.does she ever say she needs space? cause if she does that either means that she is dating someone else or that your to tight on her and she feels smuthered im not the best with helping people with there problems but i can say if you get two minutes with her ask her if she can make time for a talk because its very important to talk in the relationship im only 16 but im in a relationship with a wonderful girl and its been over 7 and a half months and ive been here and still am. im trying to help you with this and one thing you always to remember is space and love.try to out run her in something like cooking for her when she comes home from a long day of work make it romantic and then you can get to that talk. even if it will mean you leaving your job early to beat her home. or watch a funny movie if you can get time somehow.i suggest the love guru if you didnt see it because it is good and my g/f and i really enjoyed it together. well if you need to know anything else get back to me at [email address blocked] and bytheway i suggest letting her have space first before anything else to see if that helps
A
female
reader, LonelyandDepressed +, writes (19 December 2008):
I have been in this relationship for almost six years. I have given him everything and somehow always find more to give. He would loose a job and i would do everthing to keep him from falling into a state of depression. Yet, he would sometimes find a way to take out his frustration on me. He does suffer from depression and I try and understand that but at the same time I cant let myself fall into it too. Im a senior in college and the past few month in our relationship were just really bad. I am trying so hard in school, and trying to keep him together. Throughout our relationship i have always been loyal to him. Never cheated or even thought of it. But over the past 4 months he has pushed me away SO much. I practically had to throw myself at him to get any attention. I dont like being alone and he is my best friend in the world. But so many things were being built up inside of me lonliness, resentment, depression. Please don't get me wrong he really can be such a sweetheart im not jsut a stupid girl in a shitty relationship. Anyways, so about three weeks ago i broke up with him. I told him that when he could take me out on a proper date and talk to me about real life things then call me. We were still talking on the phone and apparently he thought I wasn't serious. So during this break up i started hanging out with this guy who was totally nice, payed for everytthing just really what I had been really needing. We ended up making out and getting a little touchy feely. And well its wasnt my boy. When I kiss my man its like all those sparks and mess ya know. So it kinda made me realize I do love my man. Well, he asked me about this other guy and I told him what had happened I just couldn't lie to him. (keep in mind my man is (was) the only person I had ever done anything with) I did nott have sex with this guy, but I feel terrible. We were and still are broken up. My man tells me that he still loves me and wants to be with me but its just going to take time. So the tables have turned and now im the bad guy. I'm afraid he will never forget any ofthis and it will just come back to bite me later. I just wonder if we have gone too far to go back. We still have A LOT of love for eachother, but is that enough to get through my resentment towards the way hes treated me and his resentment for my messing around with this other guy. My life is insane right now!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 November 2008):
 You said that she's been your girlfriend for 3 years, and you've been trying to be more intimate for 2 days. You have to give it some time, and perservere. Don't give up or show your frustration! It's only been 2 days, after all.
She may want some romancing, which means that you should consider some sweet gestures for her. Flowers, making a meal for her, those are simple and common, but hey, don't knock the tried and true. Get tickets for something she loves to do, music or theater or whatever. Plan a day trip to just be tourists somewhere together. Get her out of the house and into real life.
Get creative to get her attention. Take a picture of the two of you to one of those photo labs and get it put on a mouse pad for her computer. At least when she's on line, there'll be a reminder of you right there.
It took 3 years for her to become disillusioned with you, it's going to take at least a few weeks of you trying to show her you care before it begins to make an impact.
I think you should tell her that you're serious about making this work, and that you'd like to schedule something fun and interesting to do with her. Then do it! She needs to feel special and loved and appreciated, so figure out what that means to her.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Unfortunately there isn't just one magic answer.
Maybe tell her how much you love her, that you can't imagine life without her and what can you do to make her happy?
If she starts asking for unreasonable selfish demands, those would be some red flags. But you know her and we don't. Good luck!
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