A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years or so. We met off a dating site. I gave him my cell number and he texted me alot probably 200-300 texts per day. Telling me his life, his life stories. I was flattered all this attention at first but was a little leary at the same time. I asked early on, are you the jealous type? He replied, "just a bit" which was fine.Around a month or so later i agreed to meet him, as he was very persistant always asking, are we going to meet yet'? I met him, he wasn't really my type, but he was sweet, charming, and seemed very nice. I ended up falling for him, fast and hard. He asked me to move in with him. He was living with his mother, and had recently divorced. I started seeing different sides. Very moody, haughty temper, but would then would be apologetic. We found a place of our own, and his moodiness increased. Didn't believe anything I'd say. He would demand to see my cell phone, my contacts, who I texted. What men were previously in my life. I'd ask him to stop, I said this is insane! He would say, hes never felt so in love before and can't get a grip on this". He started emotionally abusing me, playing mind games, always accusing me of talking or looking at other men, even saying " if you want that guy over there, I will go and tell him'!! I became more confused and realized how abnormal his outbursts are, and asked him to seek help incase theres an underlining problem causing all of this. He agreed, made promises and broke his promises which became routine for him. He began spending excessively on gambling, loosing our place, I moved out I couldnt deal with all these issues he has. I thought maybe he has a gambling problem but then kind of thought no this is another attempt at control to financially control me. He would spend and come crying he didn't have any money for bills, food, fuel, and of course I'd end up giving him my money and be short all the time. He never asked me are you ok? Do u need money? It almost as those he didn't care. Every month he would continue his pattern and would be nice and ask for help if I refused, he would change completely. Yelling, and saying, "dont you give a f***?!!! " How dare you leave me destitude"!!"Your a b****"!! I won't drink water! Move back you b**** this is all your fault"! I havent givehim any money so far this month, and I'm planning not to. It would be so nice to buy myself an outfit, and get my hair done professionally. Some thing I've been unable to do in the longest time. He promise to take me out, buy me clothes, but it never happens. I end up taking him out buying him things and I'm being used, and abused. Its a terrible feeling because I really hoped he would change.I went there the other day and he blew up and flew off the handle! I had a hot coffee in my hands, it went flying all over me because he grabbed me by the throat and threw me down then pinned me on the bed telling me not to f*** with him! Demanding I come back and live with him.I need to go on, and not listen to his lies, verbal, and physical abuse. I keep getting looped back in. How do I get rid of him?
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female
reader, little_3_eyes  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Get a restraining order and if that doesn't work, just disappear. Go live on the other side of the country for a year (or in another country). He's abusive. Get out!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): First of all I'm glad you realize that you need to get out. Problem with abusers is that once they cross a certain boundary and you forgive them then that gives them license to push your boundaries even further till there are none left and they will walk all over you. A cruel word becomes a raised open hand becomes a fist. Run run run as fast as you can girl and do not look back. Now as for the logistics I'm uncertain whether I read your post correctly that you no longer live with him. If I am correct them what you need to do is cut all forms of communication and contact. Change your number and tell all connected parties to not give out your new number. You don't need to tell them the details or the severity of the situation if you feel uncomfortable but allude to it so people take you seriously. Change your email, if not block him. Block him on every type of social networking medium that means facebook, twitter, bbm etc etc. If you have family and friends whom you can count on reach out to them and possibly move in temporarily with them till you feel safe again and the heat has died down. Don't accept calls, texts, smoke signals, anything from this man as he will sweet talk you again he really will and you will be back at square one. Get a restraining order against him and if he violates it do not hesitate to call the police so he knows you are serious. Do everything you can to get as far away from him as possible. You have to really decide this is what's best for you and make it happen. Don't think he is the be all and end all of men. You are worthy of more and its time to make a choice, either its you or him. The choice is yours honey make the right one. Best of luck! Wishing you strength and courage.
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