A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can I dump my bf? I've tried many times before and he just says no. What am I supposed to say to that!? The one time he did actually accept it was over (I had threatened an injunction to ban him from the house) he got so upset he said he was going to kill himself so I just couldn't let him leave. He has a very troubled past with many suicide attempts which is why I know he's not bluffing. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 June 2008):
Emivia is right.
You just need to treat him a bit like a child.
Just tell him facts, something he can't say No to. Tell him you don't love him and that you are no longer his girlfriend.
If he says no, just tell him he doesn't have a choice. You should also tell him that you don't like people who use emotional blackmail.
You can stay his friend but make sure you are always sat in a different chair. Don't let him touch you. If he complains then just remind him gently that you are not his girl friend any more.
If he tries the same "then I'll kill myself" crap, which he probably will since he knows it works, then just be his friend. Keep him there so you can keep an eye on him, but just keep your distance, because you are not his girlfriend.
It'll sink in eventually.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This sounds very difficult.
Tell him that you're just not happy in the relationship. Even though you think he's a nice guy you think he'd be happier with someone else.
If he says "No", just tell him gently that he can't say that. Continue to gently tell him that it is over. No matter how many times he says "No". Just keep telling him very gently that it's over and that you'll have a better time without one another. Don't threaten him no matter how irritating and frustrating it gets. Eventually tell him that he must go, even if he is still saying "No". Then the next time he calls or appears at your door, just gently say "I'm sorry but it's over" and don't let him tell you otherwise.
It is very important to remain calm and not to show any anger in your voice.
Tell him that you'll be there for him when he accepts it and that you can be good friends, but right now you can't be in a relationship together.
And sweety... If anything goes wrong just remember that it is not your fault.
Maybe you could suggest a psychologist for him. Maybe you could even consider counselling for yourself.
If you still can't get things to come to a close then suggest you go to counselling together, then you can focus on ending things is a safe environment where there are professionals there to help you and him through this.
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