A
female
age
41-50,
*leo1979
writes:Hi,I am with my boyfriend for the last year and a half and am madly in love with him, he feels the same way. The problem is he is still friends with one of his ex girlfriends, she doesnt get in touch very often but I always feel a bit freaked outwhen she does (he doesnt contact her). I know there is no need to as they are just friends - he has even told her that he is is love me, I think that may have caused her to back off a bit - and she sounds like a nice person but I just need some advice on how to deal with these feelings of jealousy.Thanks,Cleo
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cleo1979 +, writes (2 August 2010):
cleo1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers.
I really dont think there are any feelings there for him and he doesn't get in touch with her. I know it sounds mean but I have seen photos of her and I don't feel threatened by her in a physical sense and he has told me that their relationship stopped being physical long before they broke up. Its just that I cant help feeling a bit jealous when I know they have spoken - I suppose its the fact that they still like each other that bothers me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): If its being hidden then he's up to something. If he told you then its likely its nothing to worry about.
Its ridiculous saying males cannot stay friends with an ex. Its the ex i would be more wary of in your case. That is my view. If you dont trust him then why are you with him?
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I can see your reasons for feeling insecure I probably would be if the role was reveresd and an ex boyfriend contacted my girlfriend.
Its down to trust, how much you trust him. Only when you fully trust him will the feelings go away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): The old male stays "friends" with an ex thing is a farce.
When you "feel a bit freaked out" they communicated, you rightfully should. That's your instinct going off; alerting you to the fact a man cannot just look upon a past sex partner as a mere sister.
Males cannot be "friends" with women they've slept with. Or, slept with her in his mind. They always consider them a sexual option, period.
Be careful with that word "jealousy". A lot of times it's thrown out there when you're actually feeling pain that your man has it for someone else. It's not jealousy; your love sonar found an impurity and is just letting you know...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): This honestly could go either way, but my experiences show that ex's can't be friends without some sort of sexual attraction or some sort of contact with each other. I will give you the example of I broke up with my daughters mom and 12 years later we still have the occasional sexual encounter, even though she has been married for more than 10 years. I would just recommend you be skeptical.
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