A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have been blaming my boyfriend's family for their dysfuntion but now i realize that my boyfriend hisself is dysfunctional. he is 69 years old and my question is will he ever get out of the "dysfunctional" way of life? my family and myself are functional and it is just amazing to me how his grown children (both are married to controling people) are so dysfuntional. i am so upset with myself because i never realized that this man is so dysfuntional. he has become more active in my church and i sincerely believe that he is trying to change his ways but of my goodness this family is a mess. is there anything i can do that will help him to overcome this dysfunction? he tells me that he is in love with me and i want to get married. the reason that he has a problem with marriage is that his grown kids have become the parents and he is the child. they control him . even his brother-in-law and sister that live out of state have control over him.. if the brother-in-law wants him to go fishing, he cannot tell him no because the brother-in-law will get very mad at him. any suggestions????? thanks. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Can you give us more information on what you deem 'dysfunctional' here. What I got from your posting that you have a man, who is emotionally weakened when it comes to standing up to his family and saying 'no' to them. Some people are this way with the ones, they love and cherish. Are there other outstanding, bad things going on with this family? Like abhoorent behaviors involving abusiveness, addictions or adultries? Is this man, or his family treating you in a disparaging, bad way? Does his inability to say no to his family, adversely affect your life? Does he put them ahead of you? Does he respect you? The man is 69..I'm not sure you can get him to change. And when we love someone, we shouldn't try to change them. If you and he are dating and you care about him, sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and accept what our partners bring into the relationship. If you find this man is not living a life you can respect yourself, then it might be time to move on. But get back to us and let us know more information.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Hi Hunny
I believe there is a little bit of dysfunction in us all love, Its more routine of that persons life and the expectations of other family members. Maybe your partner is lacking in self confidence and self esteem so therefor its easier to say yes than to do what he wishes so not to cause an argument..
http://www.askmen.com/fashion/body_and_mind/29_better_living.html
http://menshealth.about.com/od/psychologicalissues/a/Self_Confidence.htm
These links may help if you can get him to read them love, This seems to be really getting to you hunny you could do with your self esteem getting a little boost love...
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
Ive popped it there hunny just incase you may not feel you need it at all but its always a good thing to have when your feeling a little lost and your life is out of your control at times...Some times we cant help the way we are love its the way our lives are shaped by our familys, We cant blame our upbringing for everything but it does shape our future to some degree. I hope this has made sense hunny and has helped a little if you need a chat message me anytime hunny TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
|
