A
female
age
41-50,
*lossie2041
writes:During sex, while talking about our sexual fantasies, my boyfriend told me the thought of sucking a man's c*** turns him on because it is "wrong" and "taboo". I brought it out by telling him I fantasize him being done by another man. He said he would probably enjoy it. He does like ass play, and has anal toys that he plays with, I've used them on him. He is very homophobic and does not like the fruity gay guys. He get angry when seeing gay guys on tv dressed in drag, acting like a pansy etc. He would say it is "wrong" for two men to "do that to each other", "men don't act like that".I want to be supportive of him, and want him to be more open about his sexuality and calm his fears. He said he was scared to tell me. I'm afraid to ask if he just wants to fantasize about it, or if its something he'd really do (if so, I would be open to it but with certain rules)Do you think he is bi-curious/bi and how should I proceed? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, misunderstood1981 +, writes (31 May 2012):
Always remember when dealing with a situation like this that there is always a possibility that, after "experimenting " with another Guy in a three -some, he will lash out negatively. I am a 30 yo gay male. I have been in a similar situation with a close friend of mine. His internalized homophobia could be triggered, thus making the situation uncomfortable, let alone volatile. I would advise that you talk to him about this first, THOROUGHLY, before making any final decisions. Just because he may fantasize about that, and even engage and enjoy ass play, does not mean that he would be willing to actually play out his fantasy. Communicate fully and be understanding. Also another thing to keep in mind....how would you feel about seeing your br with another man?? This is something that you might have to consider too. Will your feelings hlchang towards him because he is now "gay"? Would you stay with him still?? These are very valid questions that need to be considered. I wish you both the best of luck!!
A
female
reader, lucy1993  +, writes (28 February 2011):
ask him for a 3sum with you him and another guy and ask who will be doing what with each other ... besides would you like 2 guys fuckin you at the same time?? xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I agree with fi the three, you need to support him in this. See if he can open up more, and be careful to not sound judgmental. Accept that he's got the views he's got on this, and that he needs to go forward at his own pace. The most obvious reason for him bashing other gay men is because he is acred of being associated with one.
Bisexual or bicurious, I like to think we're all bisexual in a way, some just swing more to the right or left and are called straight or gay, and the ones in the middle are bisexual, but anyone can be anywhere along that line without it crossing over into bisexual. Some call it bicurious, but when it all comes down to it this isn't about labels. Your man is scared of getting labeled against his will. He wants to be with YOU, first and foremost, but he enjoys anal play. It doesn't mean he's gay or anything, as you probably know. But I don't think your man will admit to this himself, or admit to it being ok to have these fantasies. So he keeps them hidden.
Even if it turns out that he's bisexual, or if he actually wants to do these things with another man, he's still in a relationship with you. His sexuality doesn't change that fact. He's in a relationship, and not free to play with anyone else without your consent. Be open about that, and then be open about discussing these things. Just make sure you take it at his speed and don't push him.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I think you should just try and talk to him about it as much as possible hun, be supportive of him and tell him you are open minded and that you won't run a mile if he opens up.
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