A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm at my wits end. I'm trying to be rational but the emotional side is winning. I need help! I'm trying to keep a long story short, so please be patient.My husband took a temporary job for 8 weeks that is 1,100 miles from our home. The owner of the business had surgery and he is tending to the mans business. The money was too good to pass up!After his second day there, he called me and I could tell something was bothering him. I asked what was wrong, he said that he wishes he hadn't taken the job and wants to come home. But, he's a man who keeps his word, and wont let the guy down. Let me say upfront that I am not one who's conceited or thinks that I'm something special, but I'm not chopped liver either.It took me a couple weeks before he finally opened up. There is a girl who works there that has been coming on to him, actually, throwing herself at him! He said that it started out with little comments, then it lead to rubbing against him,asking him to dinner and so on. He told her that we had just gotten married and that he wasn't interested. Then she started in with the "what she don't know wont hurt her." At first, I chuckled and thought it was cute. He's a very good looking man, and I see younger girls check him out all the time. I told him to go have dinner with her, and that I trusted him. He said NO WAY! I guess I got a little too over confident! See, there's 21 years between us,I'm younger. And I saw that as an advantage of "he wont cheat on me".Meanwhile, her actions progressed. One day when no one was around, she put a bow on the front of her pants and asked him if he wanted to open his Christmas present. I found no humor in that! But, I was still being confident. The more I thought about it, the more I thought "I gotta see this chick". I made the fatal mistake of asking him to send a picture of her. At first he said no, but then he did. When I opened the e mail with the photo, I Went blind and stupid! My world came crashing in around me. She was nothing at all what I had envisioned. She's my age and speaking as a woman about another woman, she is beautiful!Now, I can't sleep, I can't keep my mind on my work, I can't eat! I just keep thinking of her rubbing her body against his. He's 1,100 miles away from me and she's there with him. He promises me there's nothing going on. I've always trusted him and never suspected him of lying or cheating on me. But this is killing me. I don't want to ruin things between us with my jealousy but I don't know what to do. He comes home late afternoon Christmas eve and leaves again the following Monday. I still have 4 more weeks of this to live through.I told my dad about it and he says I'm just worrying too much. My heart and gut tells me he's being honest with me, but my mind gets wandering and I'm a mess. I want to call her and tell her to BACK OFF! but I don't want to make a fool of myself or cause him any problems.What do I do? I'm so afraid of screwing things up!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): "I bought plane tickets to go and see my Honey and hopefully "mark my territory." - you go girl. surprise him and well be a good little wife as you rock his world. update us when you get back.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 December 2009):
 You go girl and let us hear about it when you get back!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice.
I first want to say in response to me finding humor, I don't know if you've ever been in an inter generational relationship, but with some of the things that happen, all you can do is make fun with it. If not, you'll drive yourself crazy. For example, We enjoy going out dancing. It's a constant thing with women closer to his age saying things in their pick up line like "oh, is this your daughter"? Or, "It's nice that you do things with your daughter". Similar things come from guys my age. We've laughed many of times watching a big toothy grin go to a big "Oh" when they find that we're a couple. Besides, it usually doesn't bother me when girls hit on him. He's a great looking guy. If I'm the only one who finds him attractive, there's a problem! I have gotten defensive before, but in the end, it's not up to me to give the outcome. The big difference in this case is, we aren't sitting together! I'm not right there for her to see.
As for me suggesting that he have dinner with her, that goes back to his honesty and our love. I just thought of him in this strange small town hanging out in his motel room bored and eating alone. I'm grown up enough to realize that he can have dinner and talk with a female and them not end up in bed. Then when I realized the seriousness of her comments, and how she looked, I was jilted! Yes he loves me, but he's only human.
I always try and do my best to show him that he's my everything! I'm the kind that will get home before he does. I'll shower up, do my hair & make up, put on something that I know he'll like. Then when he gets home, I'll meet him at the door with a hug & kiss, and we take it from there. I do agree with the person who said that Christmas can have an effect on things. Though it's a magical time of year, things can go wrong quickly.
Usually, the shoe is on the other foot. It's usually me who is hearing the comments and getting asked out.Even though he's a confident man, he's expressed that he has the worry in the back of his mind that I'll leave him for someone younger. I do my best to show him that I have no interest in any other man. Now I know how he feels, and it isn't good!
Anyway,
Yesterday was a really great day. He called me in the morning at the time the alarm usually goes off and had some very sweet things to say to me. That made me feel good! Then, when I got to work and opened my e mail, he sent me something that made my heart melt. Using PowerPoint, he made a slide show with some of our wedding pictures and some pictures from us out horse riding. The background music was Joe Cockers "You are so beautiful". He made a second one with pictures from last years Christmas, with the music of "All I want for Christmas is you." This is the sort of stuff he does that makes me fall apart!
We talked later in the day and I mentioned him speaking with someone about her behavior. Come to find out, she's the owners granddaughter. It's a relatively small company and there's no HR department. She is the only one above him at this point. He said again something that he said to me before. "I haven't spent the last 23 years of my life unmarried to finally marry the girl of my dreams, then go and mess around and ruin it all"! He told me he loves me and misses me, and wants me to come see him. That was music to my ears! So, I bought plane tickets to go and see my Honey and hopefully "mark my territory."
Again, when I said that I chuckled, I wasn't laughing at him. At that time, I didn't know how serious things were. I do believe in him, both of us have been through some bad times due to being cheated on. Something he said to me when we first became a couple. " I don't own you nor will I ever. I promise to love you and will try my hardest to satisfy you and keep you happy. If there ever comes a time when I can no longer satisfy your needs, you are free to leave. It will hurt me deeply, but I'd rather you be somewhere else and happy rather than here with me and unhappy." At first I found that rather cold, but when I thought about it, it was the most unselfish thing anyone has ever said to me. In turn, I feel the same way. But I'll be damned if I'll give up without a fight!
In this case, the only fight is within myself. I was stupid for being so over confident in my thinking that "I'm young and pretty,I have nothing to worry about". Reality came along and bit me in the butt! This girl is just as young and a little prettier than I, and she wants my man.
My job now is to go and take care of my husband!
Hopefully I can go and rock the Appalachian Mountains under his feet and meanwhile send the little Southern Belle a'packin'!
Thank you everyone!
Farm Girl.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 December 2009):
I agree, if you can swing the cost of a round trip ticket, I'd go for a visit. If you can't then I would at least try to relax and trust the hubby. Maybe some hot phone sex would be beneficial. And make this a Christmas he'll remember for years to come!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Wow what a decent, honest partner you have!
But i were away from home and being sexually harassed and my partner thought it was funny when i opened up to him, i would be wondering if he cared about me much. If he suggested i go out to dinner with my harasser and requested a picture...i would feel he didnt care at all! If you want to make him feel valued and let this womman know he`s taken, you`d best stop worrying about how you feel, get over there and take him out to dinner yourself! If he tells her you are on your way, she will back off even if you dont bother to go rescue the poor man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): why can't you surprise him and go to him. make arrangements to just go. you know that she is a threat and during the holidays we do some stupid things. maybe he is missing home too much, no sex and intimacy and then bam this one offers herself to him. you need to be with him right now.
a few years ago my hb went on his yearly one week of fishing. i really missed him and decided to pay him a courtesy visit. it was winter, snowed, had to take an alternative route, 13 hours later arrived there. it was the best!!!!!!!!! so long story short, you need to be there with him. this is not about trusting him. it is about eliminating the threat.
seems like this woman wants him at any cost so just pitch up.
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A
male
reader, Joexy  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 Alright.... I see and undertand what you are talking about... You see thats a very difficult problem... You dont wanna beat up trouble wit your husband and your heart is still too worried... Ok... You know what...?
You just have to keep trusting your husband, show him more love than ever...
Then with time.. Discuss the issue wit him... Tell him how you feel about it... Tell him you love him and dont wanna loose him... Tell him words that will touch him too deeply about it... Suggest travelling with him to warn off the lady.... Thats all...
Try that out... GOODLUCK..!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): He should report her to the owner for sexual harrassment, or he could tell her to cut it out or he'll tell the owner -- and don't make idle on the threat.. you could type up a 'back-the-hell-off' letter with the help of your husband and send it to her saying your husband is prepared to go to the manager to tell him (that's slightly more problematic though, but it leaves a paper trail and is proof).Anyway, this witch needs to respect him and you and your marriage, and you shouldn't have to feel threatened. Good luck.
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