A
female
age
30-35,
*xbuggabu24xx
writes:I have been dating a man for almost 2 years now. I am 20 years old and he is 30. He is one of the most serious relationships ive been in. i dated in school but nothing serious and i wasnt sexually active with any of them. And then when i graduated i was single and after 4 months my manager hooked me up with him. He was very nice to me and always made me laugh. I remember my meme saying she didnt like when i talked to him because she could watch the tv without me laughing constantly. Then after a few weeks of talking on the phone we met and shot pool and hung out. I thought he was amazing. I didnt do drugs and never drank well he smoked pot and drank and had a 5 year old and at first it wasnt a problem because i wasnt looking for love i thought it would just be like the guys i dated in school and we would just hang out and have fun. Well after a few weeks of hanging out he texed me and told he was falling in love with me and i felt really special and like a week later we started having sex. Well after that everything just went down hill. He was smoking pot several times a day always going to the bar and whenever we hung out all he talked about was sex with me. I started drinking with him and then i started drinking everytime i was over at his house. Well january 1st we were hanging out at his house and his friend came over and i got way to drunk and i guess i smoked pot they said they just handed it to me and told me what to do i dont really remember and then i couldnt walk and he took me upstairs put me in his bed and went back out to smoke more pot with his buddy. I was afraid and throwing up and i tried to go downstairs to get him and i fell down the stairs. I could move anymore. He came in a while later and found me and took me upstairs and got me cleaned up and put me in bed and started touching me (im still throwing up) and then he started having sex with me. I still cant move and im in pain from falling and throwing up. After 2 days of beating myself up about the whole thing i overdosed. I didnt die lucky me. Well i told him i couldnt be with someone that does drugs that it wasnt me and it wasnt what i was looking for. Well he promised to quit that i was important to him and pot wasnt addictive. And im not dumb i know that it is but so badly wanted to believe him so i did. he constantly wanted sex he was getting it like 4-5 times a day and when i didnt want to he would cry or get angry and guilt me into it. 3 months later i went to a party with some old friends it was like my first real party and everyone was drinking and i promised my boyfriend i wouldnt and he was blowing up my phone like crazy and so i decided to pop out and see him since i was in the area at the party and when i got to his house he was in the shed smoking pot with one of his friends and i walked in and he smiled at me and it was like a fuck u kind of smile i dont care that i got caught. So i walked up hugged him and told him i was done and drove away then he starts blowing up my phone crying and saying he was sorry and he was just mad that i was at a party. I went back to the party started drinking like a fish and he showed up at the party and made me leave with him. When i got back to his house all he was doing was yelling and swearing and calling me names and pushing me. My thought was ill just go to sleep and when i wake up call someone for a ride. Well again he started touching me and trying to have sex with me and i kept hitting his hand when hed grab me. We were laying in the bed and i was facing the closet and he was turned towards me and then when i told him to leave me alone i wasnt interested in having sex with him he took his arms and legs and pushed/kicked me off the bed and i went flying into the closet. Let me add i wiegh all of 90 pounds and hes around 250. And i was like fuck this im leaving i cant deal with this anymore im better then this. And i went to walk down the stairs and the whol time he is pushing me and then i walk out side and start walking down the road and call my friend to come get me and i hes shooting at me with a bebe gun and then i get down around the corner and im walking and he pulls up beside me and gets out of his car and was like if ur dumping me im going to spit on you and i was like go ahead and he spat right in my face and pushed me in the cow shit and drove away. Well about 20 minutes later my friend picked me up and i told her what happened and she was lecturing me about staying away from him. Well i went home the next day and he was blowing up my phone and i finally answered and let him talk and we made up... I caught him smoking 4 more times after that. And then i didnt talk to him for awhile and he sent me a text saying he missed me and wanted to start over and be real and he was done with the pot. I took him back. things were okay for awhile but i became a control freak i constantly wanted to know where he was and what he was doing and i hated him hanging out with his friends because they all smoked pot and always tried to get him to do it. Well almost a year into our relationship we were driving to his house and i had his phone and this number text him and i asked who it was because it wasnt in his contacts and he stuttered and was like idk so i text back and was like who is this i didnt have you in my contacts and the reply was kathleen and when i asked him who kathleen was he said his x girlfriend and i told me that they have been talking and i flipped out and was like glad to see ur honest. And then that night we were drinking and i brought it up again and i got mad and tried to leave and he followed me out of the shed with a hatchet and he called me a whore and i was standing by my car and i went to turn around and he hit me in the arm with them hatchet knocking me over and knocked the wind out of me. I was laying in the drive way hyperventalating and he walked back to the shed and when he came back i was getting up and getting into my car and he started calling me names and i turned around and with the arm he hit me with the hatchet with i punched him in the face and he didnt fall over but he stumbled and then he came at me and started choking me and hitting my head into the car saying he was going to kill me and i couldnt breathe and then when i started to black out he let me go picked me up opened my car door threw me in the car and started chokig me again and i couldnt talk or scream or breath and then he let me go slammed my door shut and i locked my door and turned my car on and i was trying to breath and everything was spinning and then he was trying to get into my car again but the door were locked so he took his pocket knife and started hitting the passenger side window trying to break it and get to me.I put the car in reverse and left and called my mom she called the cops he was blowing up my phone.. End of that story he didnt get into any trouble because i guess when i was backing out trying to get away from him i ran over his toe. But we got pictures and left it at that and him and i didnt talk to a day or two and then he started calling me saying he was sorry and blah blah blah. We go back together. i told him i didnt want him talking to his x simply because he lied about it and since he felt the need to hide it from me i thought something was going on and he said okay. well a week later we were leaving my house and he got a text and he goes fuck and he tried to delete it and i grabbed his phone and it was a picture of her and i flipped out and told him i oculdnt handle it anymore. Skipping past that fight we staid together. Well several more fights happened. Then one night he got a text from his kids mom at like 11 at night asking if the could meet up and i was mad because all he told me was shes a whore she screws everyone and he cant stand her and i was like okay why would she want to meet up at 11 at night and he didnt even answer he just slammed my head into the stearing wheel of my car. I started crying my nose was busted up and my face bruised and when we got back to my house i told him i was done and he needed to leave. My neighbor has cameras outside because my bf didnt like him and he was afraid he would mess with his car so he got all this on video. My bf broke my car mirror on the outside and the tire things and came at me. We called the police. He actually got into trouble this time and got put on probation. We got back together. then a week before christmas i found out iwas pregnant and christmas day we got into afight he pulled a gun on me and we split up for 2 months i lost the baby and turned to drinking. Other then the drinking i liked who i was i got my lip pierced did my hair the way i wanted to dressed how i wanted to got to hangout with whoever i wanted to without getting yelled at and called names and then valentines day we met up and talked and got back together. the story goes on and on and on. well June 24th this year he called me and told me he didnt want me anymore and i started crying and went to his house and his x girlfriend was just leaving his house when i pulled up and we got into a huge fight he said nothing happened and he wouldnt cheat and i was like thats why u split with me and turned ur phone off and we didnt talk for about a month and now were are back together. We are having so many problems tho because i cant move past everything that has happened and everything he has done. I constantly think he is lying to me and cheating on me and smoking pot im literally driving myself crazy and hes consatantly angry because i cant move on. But i feel like he is going to be different. He has completely changed his life around as far as i know. And i want to be with him sort of. I dont understand it. like i honestly hate him and cant stand him and everytime we have sex i want to vomit because i think about him with his his x and how big of a whore she is and it grosses me out but the thought of him being with someone else loving someone else and doing drugs bothers me so much that i hold onto him. And i love him alot and i want things to be different and im in therapy and she is helping me alot, Ive been reading alot of books, ive been watching some therapy movie thing. All we do is fight 24/7 because i cant get over everything and he doesnt help me by hiding more things from me and not talking things thru with me like if he would just listen to what im upset about i would feel better but he cant and he wont. Everyone just tells me to get away from him and his family and friends blame me for all his problems and his drinking and duis and bs and trust me if i could i would get away from him but i cant.Im currently pregnant again and he wants to get an apartment together. So my question is how do I change where we are in our relationship right now and how do I make things better?Thank you so much for taking your time to help. Sorry this is so long i must say that it felt good to finally talk about most of whats happened.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xxbuggabu24xx +, writes (11 September 2010):
xxbuggabu24xx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks guys for taking the time to read my long long questions and give me answers. Its just hard i have no friends and i dont really have any family. My twin just moved to alaska with her husband 7 months ago and she was the only friend i had. I dont really have a support system i dont have any money the police have been called several times. And i do believe part of him loves me but he did not have it good at all growing up. His dad was a crazt vietnam vet and he chased them around the house with guns beat on all of the them raped his sister and then killed himseelf and then his mom abandoned him most of his childhood. So i think he loves me he just doesnt know how to treat girls in relationships because he was always around abuse and abandonment. Last night we got into an arguement and for once it was kind of constructive he started pointing out all my problems and calling me names and i told him he needs to be a man see that he cant blame me for his problems and that he needs help. He kind of in a weird way agreed but we left it at that, but atleast it wasnt a bad fight. I cant help but believe with the right help we could possibly get thru this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): You are not meant to be together...for your unborn child's sake please leave him.
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A
male
reader, AAguy +, writes (11 September 2010):
You should get out of this relationship. He is abusive, not good for you, and is just pulling you along. He seems to only care about sex, and not care about you. It might seem like you love him but he has you tricked into this. No man that loves a girl would ever lay a hand on her, no matter how upset he is. Get out of it, get help from a friend, call a support line, call the police, run away with family in another town, go to a friend stay with her for a few days then move away. Just get out of that situation.
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A
female
reader, Shelbyy-x +, writes (10 September 2010):
 i know you might love him but you really really need to get away from him.. what if he does actually kill you one time? and just as you said you are better than that.. make him take a drug test too, to see if he is smoking. but all in all.. you need to get away.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Woah, wait a minute.... He's hit you, busted your nose, choked you, kicked you into a closet, lied, more than likely cheated, given you drugs, threatened you and even pulled a gun on you???????
This is not a relationship, this is verbal, emotional and physical abuse!!!! You're pregnant now? What if he lashes out again and punches/kicks you in the stomach??? Not only do you risk losing your baby, but you also risk never being able to have children again!!!!
You say you can't stand him, hate him, can't bear to have sex with him, i think you have your answer.
Do whatever it takes to get rid of this man, move away, change your number/email address etc. This guy is no good!!!!! Your health and safety (and that of your unborn child) is most important here.....what if the next time he gets angry he actually kills you????
Get out of there..... NOW!!!!!
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