| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'd appreciate some advice, and male opinions would be interesting - basically, I'd like to know how to work on boosting my self-esteem and my trust in my bf. To cut a long story short, we were together (living together) for 8 years, until we broke up (and he moved out) 12 months ago because we'd been arguing and he'd looked elsewhere (I found him sending/receiving explicit pictures on his cell phone to stranger he'd chatted to on an adult dating site; I also found messages on his phone from a female work colleague, who told me 'we haven't gone that far, yet' when I confronted her over the telephone - I have never met her face to face). So he moved out, but said I was his best friend, and we kept in touch. Six months later, he said he missed me and wanted us to get back together because he couldn't imagine a future without me, and wants us to get married and have kids some day. So we started seeing each other each weekend. Nothing happened with the woman from work (he tells me) and she has now left. My problem is doubt. I am rebuilding my trust in him (trying to) but doubt his motivations for getting back with me (was it because noone else came along for him?) and whether what he says about the future is true. Yesterday I got upset about this and he tried to reassure me, but I worry that if he sees me upset, he'll get annoyed and leave me again. How can I stop worrying, and how can I feel confident in myself (I want to feel like I'm a woman with lots to offer, a good catch, someone that he wouldn't want to leave again, etc). I love him and would like us to have a happy ending if his heart's in it. Plus I'm not getting any younger! Has anyone been in this position? Could anyone advise me how to heal myself? I'd also love to know a man's perspective, especially if you've been there-did it annoy you if your un-ex-gf got upset? Thanks so much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): I really don't think you should have to change to suit him coz if he's genuine he will accept you for who you are. On the other hand he should change to suit you, and prove he's the sort of person you want to be with, the sort you can trust coz lets face it noone wants to be with someone who is going to cheat on them again & again. I had a girlfriend who didn't respect or appreciate me and i gave her so many chances but in the end i left and she still didn't care, some people are just sooo selfish but good luck:)
A
male
reader, maroonjambo85  +, writes (26 May 2009):
He obviuosly realised he made a huge mistake seeking the attentions of other women when he was with you. He has come back to you but you are naturally wary of his wandering eye. It also depends on how he came back to you, was he sincere in his apology or was he blubbering like a baby begging you take him back? If it's the latter then he's felling embarrassed that he got caught out, not about what he did to you or how it made you feel. Only you can really decide weather-or-not he is worth giving it another go or if you should move on. Give it 6 months, if he seems to have changed his ways for good, then that should be enough time to see for yourself. Hope this helps Good Luck:)
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