A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Since I was 19 I have been the sole guardian for my younger sisters due to our mother passing away and their father is no longer around. They were 4 and 8 at the time of her death and wanted to stay with me in our family home and our relatives agreed it would be best for them.When my mum passed my ex was a great help in getting things sorted and often looked after the girls if I didn't have a sitter while I was at work.Over the few months he did this we became close again and got back together. We had dated at school and we were still friends afterwards. Last year however, he started to act differently. I can't really explain it but he stopped calling first and last thing like he normally did, he started having to work late and we started fighting about how we couldn't go away just the two of us.His grandad had left him a large sum of money and he had always wanted to go thailand and thought I could go too. When I explained I couldn't go without my sisters and I wouldn't want to take them somewhere so far away, he didn't like it and the change began.We broke up just before Christmas and he rarely spoke to us whenever he saw us. My youngest sister who is now 8 saw him one day when she was out with our aunt and he just blanked her. I couldn't understand why. He knew when we got back together that they would be my responsibility. I found out not long after that he had a new girlfriend and they were expected a baby. It had happened so soon after we split that I knew he had cheated on me towards the end of our relationship.Now I have started seeing a new guy who is great with the girls and since he has a younger sister also, he often asks his mum to watch the girls so we can go out whether it just be to the cinema or for a weekend away. We have been together for 6 months now and he recently asked me to marry him on my birthday. I know it may seem soon but it feels right and I really believe we can have a future together. But then I have this thought at the back of my head telling me that he might get bored of having to look after two young girls heading for their teens and leave. I have already put the girls though one bad relationship which they thought had been forever when it had only been three years. I thought my last boyfriend was great with the girls and only cared about us doing right by them but he soon moved on. I'm scared to bring it up incase I upset him, but I have thought of nothing else for the past 3 weeks. How do you approach something like this?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 September 2015):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
You HAVE to bring it up. He needs to understand and accept that you are a package deal, you and your sisters.
I also agree that 6 months is a bit soon for talking marriage. I hope you two will have a lengthy engagement so you BOTH can see if living together as a FAMILY (you him and your sisters) is actually doable.
Relax honey, life isn't a race.
Take your time getting to know him. After 6 months you know him fairly well, but you are also both still in the honeymoon phase.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): I know you deserve a life of your own, but your sisters also deserve a consistent and stable home. Getting married and moving a man in who might suddenly be a bit frustrated at having teenage girls to bring up might not be the greatest idea. You barely know the guy and yet your sisters are babysat with his mum and know him already. With such young girls to care for I wouldn't have introduced them for a while. Whilst everything does feel wonderful now,it's bound to. You're in the very early stages of a relationship where you're both still happy and getting to know each other. You should wait before getting married, for everyone's sake. It gives him time to decide if he's ready for the responsibility and you time to decide if you do actually like him as much once this honeymoon period is over. Your sisters deserve the time to adjust to someone else in their lives. He could be everything you feel he is, and I truly hope so because it sounds like you deserve this happiness, but just proceed slowly. You must talk to him about everything and be very open with each other. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): You have no choice but to bring it up. You come as a package, the three of you. He has to be given the opportunity to be honest and forthcoming on how he feels about helping to support two growing girls. Their needs will be great, and both will be looking at college in the next few years. You'll both be barely into your 30's.
I really think you need more time before you consider marriage. You had to grow up too fast already. Now considering marriage only after a few months of meeting someone. His feelings not only could change about the girls, but about you as well. That's just not enough time.
His mother may not always feel she has to be your built-in baby-sitter. So don't go counting on what happens now to be there for the long-run. It's all early-on; while your relationship is relatively in it's infancy. You can't afford not to bring it up. We're talking two other people here. They're just kids. I know you can use the help, but give it some time; and let this all be a trial-run. See how things workout over time. While allowing the relationship to bond much more solidly. You'll both feel more secure about marriage and raising a ready-made family. You're practically a kid yourself!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 September 2015):
 Your new man sounds like a good fit for you. He also has a young sister so he understands the deep ties and responsibilities the can exist.
I think you can become a wonderful nuclear family, with your sisters gaining an extra sister.
This might need time. You can't always expect children to get on immediately. I think if you and he show your devotion to each other they will be fine. Don't be divided if they fall out - fairness and equanimity at all times.
If you are worried about about him getting 'bored' with the situation set a longer engagement.
One thing that you need to talk about is what happens if you have children of your own? It's going to be a full house. However the Victorians often had large families so why not you?
I wish you well.
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