A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok...so bare with me. I met his guy, a band guy, and fell head over heels in love with him while I was married. After talking to this guy for about three months it comes out he's still married also but that he and his wife have the most Jerry Springer worthy marriage ever and just never bothered to divorce because of money issues. Of course my marriage has since tanked simply because I could no longer take the stress of living a double life. I really do LOVE this guy and couldn't cut it off so my nine year marriage crumbled. Meanwhile, ole' homeboy hasn't taken any steps to work towards a divorce of his own. It is pretty obviously over between them but he says if he divorces her she'll take him to the cleaners for child support on thier four year old twins and he'll never be able to play in a band again which is his passion. He plays guitar. He won't hold a normal day job to save his life. He would rather be homeless than punch a clock. I know he really does love me...that isnt the issue. I just know I won't be ablt to stand such an unstable existence (financially or emotionally) for a much longer and just needed to vent more than anything. Did mention his wife is unstable and a meth addict? How did a good girl like me manage to muck things up so bad????
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): How did a good girl like you manage to end up with a guy like him?
Because you saw the kind of guy he was at first (unstable, etc), and you didn't walk away right then and there. You can't purposely set yourself up to get attached to the wrong guy and then act surprised when it happens. Maybe you didn't know he was married specifically, but you already ran out on your own previous husband over a guy who clearly didn't have the lifestyle & priorities that you say are important to you.
That's how.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Well, how DID you allow yourself to get involved with this man and ruin your own marriage? What was lacking in your relationship with your hushand?
In any case, the issue is now how much more time are you going to spend agonizing over this man? Whether he "loves" you or not, or you love him, is beside the point.
Love (mature love as opposed to infatuation) is about BEHAVIOUR, much more than feelings, you know! Can you seriously think he really loves you if he won't divorce his wife, won't get a job - no matter what "reasons" he dredges up (getting taken to the cleaners; paying child support - he damn well OUGHT to pay it, by the way!! - meth addict wife, and on and on).
You have to face your own responsibility for wrecking your marriage, and assisting in breaking his. No question but that you have to learn from that, work through it, forgive yourself and move on.
Finally, if you continue to tell yourself that you "do love him" and keep on with this relationship, you will be doing yourself a very, very bad turn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Well, how DID you allow yourself to get involved with this man and ruin your own marriage? What was lacking in your relationship with your hushand?In any case, the issue is now how much more time are you going to spend agonizing over this man? Whether he "loves" you or not, or you love him, is beside the point.Love (mature love as opposed to infatuation) is about BEHAVIOUR, much more than feelings, you know! Can you seriously think he really loves you if he won't divorce his wife, won't get a job - no matter what "reasons" he dredges up (getting taken to the cleaners; paying child support - he damn well OUGHT to pay it, by the way!! - meth addict wife, and on and on).You have to face your own responsibility for wrecking your marriage, and assisting in breaking his. No question but that you have to learn from that, work through it, forgive yourself and move on.Finally, if you continue to tell yourself that you "do love him" and keep on with this relationship, you will be doing yourself a very, very bad turn.
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