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male
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*oodintentions
writes: Dear CupidI finished up a practicum at the Ministry if Child and Family Development some months ago in a counselling role.Since the ending of my practicum I have sporadically kept in touch with a 15 yr old girl via email who was having a particularily rough time.My girlfriend some time ago brought up concerns over the professionalism of the matter, as well as her own conerns over it that it made her uncomfortable, and she felt that this young girl liked me as more than a counsellour (which I disagree w/ 110%)Since that point I have had 2 email contacts with this girl (June 15, July 1) where my end of the email was supportive in the sense of "It sounds like your new boyfriend is a good guy, way to go", Its good that you stood your ground" etc. It never crossed my mind to relay this to my Girlfriend, it just didn't seem of consequence, and I just didnt think of it. In any case recently she asked me if I had heard from her, and I said yes (I had on the 21 of July), and I showed her the email on her request (which is where she saw the previous emails answered by me.Prior to this she had asked me when the last time I'd had contact was, and my answer was something like "It's been quite a while - about a month", whereas now that we look at the emails it was more like 3.5 weeks ago. I also caught hell for lying about the timeframe which I disagree with too. To me 3.5 weeks seemed like "quite a while" and is almost a month in itself. I don't keep a list of dates I recieve emails in my head, and was off by 5 days (or whatever it is).Now my gf is exceedingly angry and hurt that I decieved her by hiding this from her knowing her feelings on the matter ("If you want some 15 yr old then get the **** out"). I think I made a poor judgemnt call overall in keeping contact, but I think this magnitude of anger and hurt is unreasonable. Bottom line I did not intentionally keep this from her, it just didn't cross my mind to let her know about the emails, I didn't see harm in sending words of support.Yes good intentions or not I should have ended contact when the case ended, but I don't belive anything points to me wanting to "be" w/ this 15 yr old girl, and find that accusation unreasonable, and unfair.While I disagree with my girlfriends side of this, and don't feel I have intentionally done anything wrong, I am willing to go with her view of it, and try to fix things and continue on. So what might be a good way to start rebuilding trust in this type of situation?Am I just one of those dumb guys who "didn't get it"?Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2006): If jealousy is a regular problem in your relationship, that is something to worry about. If this is not the norm for her, you really should have respected her feelings as well as you should have stopped just due to the values of your profession. The fact that you continued contact after she explained her feelings and that you didn't tell her about it until she asked was definately a breach of trust. Time heals all wounds, but giving her some extra attention and a heartfelt apology is important.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 Well it does sound like your girlfriend's reaction was a tad extreme. But since it's all water under the bridge I guess your best bet is to be supportive and to show your love for her frequently. Time is the restorer of trust so just stay the course. Good luck.
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