A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling a little lost after my recent breakup.My boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years. He initially broke up with me a year in a half into the relationship saying he was unhappy. Six months of on/off playing around we offically got back together. He slept with someone else while we were apart which still kind of haunts me even though I know we were broken up. But when we got back I thought things were going great. We were talking about moving in together, he even talked about marriage and our future. We've been through a lot together I've never felt in love like this before. Now 2 months back together he says things are how they were before and we are not a good match. He didn't even give us a chance, 2 months is hardly enough time to work things out. How could he do this to me again? I feel awful.. how could he just throw our relationship away? I keep beating myself up about what I should have done differenty.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2013):
 you should not have done anything differently other than assume that getting back together would work.
usually when couples break up it's for a good reason... a reason that can't be fixed...
the best thing to do is know it's over for good... do not let him back in your life and whatever you do DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM EVER....
this is the worst time now... and when he wants to scratch his itch...he'll try... practice saying NO...
move on
heal
meet someone new
live well...
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (27 February 2013):
Sometimes its never the same when you go back a second into a relationship the magic is gone You have done nothing wrong at all.But i think your boyfriend thinks he can drop you and get back together when it suits him, Dont allow him to treat you like this.Dont feel awful at all you are blameless in all this .Start to enjoy your life again and if he comes back which he could have the courage to say NO.Best Luck. Nora B.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2013):
 Honey, if you have to work THAT hard to make a relationship work, then obviously HE isn't willing to put in that work. And frankly I don't really blame him. I think he assumed that starting back up would erase all the things that didn't work in the first place, it doesn't. He is still himself and you are still you. If the two of you keep doing the same thing over and over, why do you expect a different result?
I have been married for 15 years, it is work, from time to time to keep things "new" and exciting, but worth it. It wouldn't work if we BOTH didn't put forth the effort. If we didn't talk about what we need/want from each other (in case we feel like we aren't getting "that")
Stop beating yourself up over this. Look back at the relationship (both the relationships) and learn from it. Then give yourself some time to "get over" this man. I would suggest strongly NO CONTACT. Then in 6-12 months start dating again (not him, obviously) find someone who can love YOU for YOU.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): Did he give a reason? Why did your relationship fail the first time? How were things leading up to your more recent break-up? Why do you think he feels you're not a good match? More details may help someone provide a more honest answer for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): You had six months of ambiguity, and that's what killed it.He didn't need to commit to you, was able to find time to sleep with someone else, and then, you still took him back. In that six months, the relationship changed from being something precious to being an option. For him. I say you need to move on and find someone who does not find it OK to sleep with someone else then want you back.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (27 February 2013):
 "I keep beating myself up about what I should have done differenty."What you should have done is keeping your single status. Just look at this objectively:1. HE breaks up with you after 1.5 years 2. 6 months of ON and OFF3. 2 months later, HE breaks up with you againHe keeps breaking it off with you honey. You have given him more chances than you should have. First he tells you he is unhappy, then it's on and off, and then he tells you it's back to the same old grind and you're not a good match. He has told you he is not happy, that he thinks you're not compatible and his actions more than support his words. Listen to it and let it sink in. You may love him, but he clearly doesn't feel the same if he keeps dropping you like a hot potato. To him you're simply not a match for him. You two can't sustain longevity. Do you want to move in with him only to see him pack up and move out? Do you want to be married only for a few months later to get a divorce because he is not feeling it? Don't waste your time analyzing this. There is nothing you could have done differently. He simply doesn't feel the same as you do. Nothing you can do there. Imagine there was a man who was in love with you right now....and you simply were not that into him. You simply could not see a future with him. If he were heartbroken and he was asking himself what he could have done, or said to make you stay, what would you tell him? What could this man possibly do to change how you feel about him? Nothing. Some things just don't progress like we want them to and that's OK. Take it to heart and move on. You're wasting your time on a guy who just isn't that into you.
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A
female
reader, 30anddating +, writes (27 February 2013):
 From this Question it seems like you two have been breaking up since after the first year and a half! He will keep stringing you along as long as YOU let him for whatever reasons sex,emotionally, Financially he doesn't want to let you go cold turkey but it's obvious he doesn't respect you nor care about the fact that this on and off again is breaking your heart...you have to stop letting him back and you should never want to keep a man that don't want to be kept.... You have to love yourself enough to know when you deserve better and but yourself first because he is Obviously thinking about his own wants and needs and not you.
Good luck sweetie time will heal your heart!!
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