A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I have been dating my boyfriend for little over a year. Everything's good, I love him and he loves me. But one thing that I don't know why it bothers me is when he smokes pot, it seems to be happening more often. Here's the thing I hadn't smoked pot in 2 or 3 years because I got in trouble so I just dropped it for awhile. My boyfriend was the same he hadn't smoked in awhile. Well the opportunity came up for me to smoke it some months ago at a friends house and I did just because it had been so long for me. I would go back to the same friend's house every week and pass on the chance to smoke pot and only smoke when it had been weeks between. My boyfriend didn't like it and for him I passed up everytime it was offered. Later he starts telling me his escapades of smoking pot, so then I just think well I guess he doesn't care anymore and I just did it whenever about 2-4 times a month. But now the last two months I haven't, just don't feel like it. With him though he does it so much more and with apparently a bunch of other people and even drives after he's smoked. But I don't say anything to him about it, I say very little I usually just say "that's cool" or "sounds like fun". Another thing not too long ago I got told a rumor about my boyfriend that had me upset so my friend(the one I smoked pot with occasionally) promised me we'd stay at her place, get drunk and just have a girl's night basically with me, her and another girl. So I got really drunk that night just trying to have with a good time but the next day my boyfriend is upset with me about it and doesn't like it and tells me he doesn't want to hear about it anymore so I just drop it. Well that same night I get drunk again and he again doesn't like it and tells me to contact him when I'm sober, so i do. I haven't smoked pot or got drunk since. He has. Just a few days ago he told me and a friend about how he went to a party, was playing beer pong and left luckily because the police showed up. My questions are why is he being a hypocrite? Why can he drive wherever, hang with whoever, do whatever and I can't without him snubbing me or making something of it? And why should him smoking pot all the time bother me when I would do it occasionally? How should I approach him about any of this?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2012):
 Yea your guy had a typical double standard. He can do stupid stuff, but you can't..
However, look at the situations and see how lucky YOU are for not drinking and smoking pot...
A
female
reader, Affectionless  +, writes (18 March 2012):
This sounds familiar to me, my own boyfriend is an avid pot smoker and I have had other friends who have tried to stop their boyfriends from smoking it, but it normally doesn't work. In an ideal world I would like my own boyfriend to stop smoking it but I know it will not happen. My advice? If you still want to stop make it your target, not his. If he wants to take risks like that, let him. This way at least you cannot get dragged into it if he gets in trouble.
With this rule issue paranoia and anxiety are closely related with pot, I suspect he is jealous or paranoid that you are going out and doing your own thing. Don't be a doormat. If you know he is going to get angry about you getting drunk with your friends then don't put up with it. If it's not making a really traumatizing affect on his or your life and you are being faithful it's not a problem. Tell him what your plans are in advance. If he wants to simmer that's his problem, unless there are some serious factors affecting trust in your relationship e.g. cheating then there is no excuse why rules for each other to be different.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): Perhaps he thinks it's a lads thing to do, doesn't want his girlfriend getting drunk or smoking dope - maybe he's just old fashioned that way. Likes a lady to be a lady.
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