A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need to know if i should give up or wait for him. I've been friends with this guy for 8+ years and at times i guess we're more than friends we flirt and talk dirty to each other on the phone and through text but nothing physical we've never even kissed. After a traumatic death in my life and him being the only person to stand by my side every day through the good and the bad I realized I was in love with him. I want to be in a relationship with him but when I brought it up he was obsessed with this other girl so he shrugged it off. well to make it all worse we are so close we talk about everything good and bad and we i am the one he talks to almost daily about all the different girls he goes after. He always comes to me for advice or to share his excitement about the bj or sex he just got, ouch that always hurts to hear. We want all the same things and we have so much in common it's obvious that we are right for each other. These girls always come and go and never last and he always comes back to me. I have tried over and over to just stop loving him but he makes it hard, he says all the right things and I know he likes me and everyone else knows he likes me he just doesn’t see it or he’s denying it. and there are all these bizarre “signs” we should be together and I’m not one who believes in that junk. It’s very obvious to me and everyone else that he has feelings for me from how he acts and what he says but he seems oblivious to it, maybe he’s scared I don’t know. I could go on and on but the bottom line is he’s my best friend we want all the same things, we’re in the same emotional and mental places in life, it’s all just too perfect except these other girls that keep getting in the way. do I wait til he realizes he has feelings for me, do I try and talk to him about it again although he is currently in another meaningless relationship that I guarantee won’t last, or do I force myself to just get over him even though that’s nearly impossible at this time….. I'd really love some guys' input here since most of my female friends say just to wait and when the time is right it will all work out. Please guys help me what can I do to get him to give me a chance?
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (11 September 2009):
 Talk to him. Openly, calmly, in a safe place so he won't feel trapped (maybe over dinner some time you both like), but be honest. Don't just blurt out "I love you" but you have to let him know. It sounds like you share just about everything already, so he should be able to handle talking about something deep like this. If you're as close as you sound like, you need to tell him.
I don't know the best words to use, or how to start the conversation, but it's better to at least bring it up than to hold it all in. If you're that close, even if nothing else comes of it, he should at least stay your friend afterward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): A chance huh. Well I am in your exact situation. I've known my best friend for five years. She's everything I ever wanted and she knows I'm one of the best guys out there. Together when I hang out with her it feels like we are meant to be and I feel like the only one that could give her the happiness she yearns for in life and a good future. Everytime I look into her eyes I get lost in them. When I see her face when we meet up, my heart melts and drops and I'm at a loss for words. But we've never even kissed. She even knows how much I love her. At one point I felt like we were getting very very close but somehow it just stopped. That's when I realized every time we seem to get close, she pulls away metaphorically speaking. Every one that knows her or me says we are perfect for each other. So what's the problem? I just realized that she doesn't see me that way. I'm stuck in the friends zone. She just doesn't have those feelings for me that I have for her. It's not my fault or hers, it's just how it is. I can't force my feelings on her as well, nor can I change her heart. It's hard to accept and come to terms with. It's not that I've given up. But I'm not waiting. I decided to date and experience what else is out there. I wasted enough years of my life "waiting" and I missed out on a lot of interesting things. Ofc those things would mean nothing if I was with her...but I'm not with her. So I needed to stop using that as an excuse to prevent myself from suffering. Chasing someone that clearly doesn't want you is silly. I am her best friend though. I guess that's just enough for me. I have no fairy tale ending I'm afraid. I just chose not to wait for her in my life. It's up to you to decide what you want for yourself. Heck maybe you even have better luck than me. Don't know but good luck to you either way.
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