A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright so this might be sort of long, but please bear with me. I have not had very much experience with men. I am 21 years old and the problem is that I have developed feelings for a man who is 32. He is a professor at the college I attend, but he has never been my teacher. I met him at events for the department we are in. He is a very nice, handsome man and I know it is so common for young girls to say this type of thing and I have tried to convince myself so many times that I just like him because he is older and an authority figure, but then I am alone with him and I just....Everytime I am in a room with him, he and I seem to look at each other a lot and he always seems to find ways to come over to where I am, even when he has no reason for being there, and vice versa. So anyways, how can I tell if he likes me as more than a student? How do I know if I really like him or if it is just my hoping he does? I feel stupid even liking him and have been hiding this secret for so long. The only person who knows is my best friend and she even agrees that he is not acting just like a professor. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone who responded to my question. Just a little update...I have been attempting to stay away from him for a few weeks now( somewhat successfully) and hae even starting trying to date guys my own age. of course I have had a few things trip me up, but I am determined that this is the right coure of action and I won't have anything to do with him (outside of classes) in th future. Thanks again for the advice, it really helped.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): It's a difficult one. But I'd agree with rhythmandblues2 it would be completely unprofessional and unethical of him to take this student-teacher friendship further. Go have fun, socialize with guys your own age. Love hurts at the best of times. But this kind of love haS the potential to ruin lives. Please just don't go there. In a few months you'll have forgotten all about him . But the only way to do that is keep busy, be young and have fun. If you still like him as a postgrad then re-evaluate things then. Until then don't even think about it.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 October 2007):
 I work at a university and we just fired a professor for getting involved romantically with a student. Do him a favor and back away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): I guess you could only tell if he starts asking you personal questions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): He may be flattered that you are looking at him with those lover's gazes, but that is probably all there is to it. He cannot in all good ethical sense date you, so you are beating a dead horse here. He could lose his job if he so much as asks you out...
I would not go there, and go and date some nice guys closer to your own age. It is pretty common to have crushes on an older more sophisticated man, especially one with power, authority and knowledge. His job is to motivate students to want to learn, and if he gives you special attention that can seem pretty heady.
I had a crush on one of my professors in college, and I was even dating a boy that I was very serious about at the time. I was one of his top students and he was very proud of me and his attention meant the world to me. Being a healthy, somewhat mature 20 year old, I never crossed those boundaries out of respect....you do the same.
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