A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Here's my story. I was dating this girl for the past 4.5 years while I was studying overseas. We lived-in together for 3 of those years. I loved her terribly and only saw myself with her. 2 months ago, after the end of my studies I had to leave and return home. We had talked about it before and we had agreed that we would end it at that point and move on with life since there wasnt much we could do about the situation. She still had 2 years of studies to continue and had no intention to move overseas with me. Howevr we did not rule out a possibility of getting back together in the future - 2-3years down the line. For the past 2 mnths since being back we have been talking on the phone 3-4 days a week. I never actually treated this whole thing as a break up so I continued to talk to her in the same loving/caring way. Turns out, she has a problem with that. She wants us to remain best of friends but I have to chnage the way I speak to her otherwise she says she;ll never be able to get over me. The thing is, I have always spoken to her in a loving tone so it would be exteremely wierd if I started speaking to her 'formally'. It just wouldnt be the same. Anyways, 3 days ago she emails and tells me that she wants less contact with me because we have to accept that we''re not together anymore and that she wants to move on with her life. She says she feels like a new independent person and wants a new life (ie. i take it that this includes dating other guys). That email really hit me hard because I never really acccepted the fact until then that we were no longer together. This is because, our breakup was purely circumstancial and not grounded on any ill-feelings or wrongdoings. I still loved her very much and never saw myself with anyone else other than her.Next after careful consideration, I emeailed her saying that I didnt want us to break up and that I wanted us to continue our relationship on a long-distance basis. I realised it was silly to end our beautiful relationship based solely on circumstances. i decided that I only wanted to be with her and that I would make sure that we're together. I also confessed to her that I wanted to marry her.Yesterday I get her shocking reply. She says that she has moved on in life and that she doesnt see us together anymore. She says she has given it a careful thought and its really not what she wants. She wants to move into her next phase of life but at the same insists that she still loves me (but in a diff way). She insists that she is not involved with any other guy. I believe her. Keep in mind that she had at many instances confessed to me while we were together that she only wanted to marry me and be with me. We were both madly in love during our relationship together. I am currently very depressed and shocked over her recent behavior. I am still trying to get to terms with it since I always assumed that she loved me the same way i loved her.My question here is as follows:How can a mere 2 months of separation/break change her mind so drastically?Wouldnt I be right to think that the 4.5 years we had together was somewhat fake and that it was a waste of my time?Was the 4.5 yrs together true love, as what I used to believe it to be? If not what then is love? Can I ever believe in love again?Does she even deserve me as a friend anymore?I would really appreciate some comments. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): Thanks for that baby duck. It was really helpful. I actually feel better now and I am actually thinking of emailing her and setting her free, so that to rid her of that guilty feeling. If I love her, I would want her to be happy.
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