A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To the point:Sometimes, when I feel horny, I might send her tips about it, like a suggestive text message.But she always takes it the wrong way! Like, she thinks I'm always thinking about it, but I don't, I really don't. Especially when I must have my mind set on my studies. But of course everyone feels like that every once in a while, it's just normal.Well, for her it's normal too, but it's like... her first reaction is to think that I'm dirty for being like that. (She has a lower-than-average sex drive for a 21 year old girl)So, apart from this, sometimes when we're together, I can get really silent and distant. Then she'll ask me what's going on on my mind. HERE'S THE PROBLEM! I don't want to tell her, not because it's something dirty, because only once in like 20 times she asks me it's sex I'm thinking about. So, I just tell her it's nothing. Then she gets all aggressive, demanding to know what's going on, and if I don't tell her, she gets angry at me. At least, luckily I think, she'll only be angry for 2-3 mins., then she forgets about it. But It still hurts me! Why? Because I'm keeping my feelings bottled inside me, and I don't feel comfortable enough to tell her what I feel!Ok. If it's something stupid like, I feel stressed because I have a Calculus exam coming soon, she's like; "oh come on, just relax." That's good right? But then I ask her to help me relax, so she asks me what I want exactly. I say, "I don't know, just anything that'll help me relax. But she keeps saying stuff like "if you don't tell me exactly what you want then I can't do anything.So my point with this is that, she has no initiative on stuff like this! She never knows what I like or what I need. So sometimes I just keep it to myself, cuz she just can't help me. Understand?OMG. I just can't believe that I have to get on the internet and say this stuff to people I don't know. It literally makes me wanna cry. I just need help, I need someone to understand me. I need someone I can tell what I feel when I feel it, and without being ashamed about it. I need someone I can tell "I'm horny" to without thinking that I'm dirty because I feel like that. I need someone to help me. I want to tell her that I need more support. I want to tell her that I need her to understand me, to stop making stupid noises (she's bored just to hear it) when I tell her I feel bad about something. I need to tell her that I need to feel comfortable crying with her, the same way I console her every time she can't take something anymore and burst in cries.I want to tell her that I don't want to have to go to YOU GUYS, on the internet, when I just can't hold my tears any longer, and just need someone to listen to me.How can I get her to see how I feel and understand me?
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 For a start, stop sending her those kinds of texts. Texts do come across very different from what we mean. You flippantly say she has a lower sex drive thats not normal for a 21 yr old girl. I wonder how much experience have you had with 21 yr old girls. Girls do prefer cuddles and love and understanding from a mature man more than sex, that's worldwide. You do sound like you can be a bit pushy with her. Ease off a bit with it all and let her see what a nice guy you are. You sound like your emotions are all over the place. Try to sort the other things out in your life and be easy on her. Good Luck!
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