A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:When I was 14 years old I fell in love or started to love a guy who was 17 but my parents didn't approve because he wasn't educated and he belonged to a different social class and his background was totally different than ours but I didn't care and I still don't though I know education is important. We're talking for 3 years now (not dating) and he has dated so many girls and hadn't behaved very well in those years but I had no right to forbid him from all these. He always tells me that he's waiting for me to be 18 so that we'll be free. But I'm not convinced anymore and I want to move on and imagining him kissing or hugging someone else is hurting me and it's making moving on so much harder than it is. How can I stop over-thinking? How can I forget someone I couldn't even have? Sometimes I convince myself that he's not worth my time and other times I remember all the good moments we shared and it weakens my heart .. Please I want an experienced person to give me some advice. I'd appreciate it a lot. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWise words wise words! Thank you very much! I really really feel blessed that you answered! I don't talk to my parents about this subject cause they get angry! But again thank you very much your words made sense to me:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2014): Your parents didn't approve of the boy for more reasons than the fact he was uneducated or his social-class. They are concerned about his bad behavior; and the fact you were much too young to be so infatuated with a boy his age.
He would have influences over you, and manipulate you by your feelings for him. You are far too young to be so attached; and you continued contact in defiance of your parent's good advice, and now you can't shake the habit.
He holds on to you to make you dishonor the will and judgement of your parents. He wants to get even with them for making him feel rejected; and he knows he can draw you to his side. He is more motivated with getting back at your parents; than having feelings for you. He wants to wreck your home and disconnect you from your parents. They are more correct about him than you know. He met you when you were just a little girl.
Young girls always fall for the bad-boys, and the more their parents disapprove; the more they want to be with him. The Romeo and Juliet story. This is what you're doing.
You have to stop contacting the guy as your parents suggested. This is becoming a power-play. He is testing to see who you will listen to. Him or your parents. They see him for what he is. You are looking through romantic eyes and making him into some dreamy rebellious fellow whom you can't resist. He is scornful of your parents, and tempting you to be disobedient and place yourself at risk. He is older and more cunning. That's what your parents are concerned about.
Listen to your parents. Discontinue contact and get to know other boys. Allow yourself to grow up free of unnecessary pain and suffering, as a young lady should. Let the other girls have him. So what if he's kissing them? He's also leaving them when he's done breaking their hearts.
You are still at the age that disrespect of your parent's wishes can land you under punishment. In this case they are correct, and you are pining for a troublesome boy. They are more concerned about his behavior than his social-class.
You want him more, only because they don't want him around.
Sometimes, when we don't listen or heed good advice. We suffer as a result of our poor judgement. In this case, had you stopped communication with the boy as you were asked by your parents; you wouldn't have had to seek our advice.
You have good parents. That's who you should be listening
to. Not writing to this site; because you'd rather not respect the advice and protection of your parents. They offer you their guidance and protection out of love.
You are far too young to really understand or know what true love is. It takes maturity and time for your mind to develop enough to understand something so complex and confusing. If you stop contacting the boy, your feelings will be in your own control. He manipulates you by telling you "he's waiting." That is his spell over you. Just cut him loose and free yourself. Good boys would never make you disrespect your parents.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOne thing I'm absolutely sure about is that he doesn't want to get under my pants because if that was what he wanted he would do it a long time ago. We have talked about sex and he really values my virginity because we live in a society where losing your virginity is a crime and you'll be called names if you do. I can't call what we had "friendship" because we didn't act like friends. We acted like lovers though we weren't in a normal relationship. When we saw each other the maximum thing we would do was kiss.He has brought me to a stage where even if my parents approve, I won't be ready to accept him as my life partner. You know pain changes people and if I tell you the things I've been through for him you'd know how much I have loved him and how much I don't deserve him.Thank you for answering I really appreciate it :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2014):
 If he's dating other girls it means he wasn't waiting for you. Having different backgrounds is not the problem. The problem is that he is an opportunist and is using the technicality to justify his actions while not really caring about your feelings. He is acting like a friend to keep you, and the mystery alive but at the same time not a friend who can be deep and caring. I am not sure about the danger of rejecting him and experiencing an angry outburst. What I would say to him is that I could not handle thoughts of him being with other girls. The decision has to be from you, and not what your parents said about him. This would sound less like a rejection but an issue of yours. No negotiating. Just state your feelings and stop at that point. At the same time let go of the memories and be okay with the fact some friendships can't last forever. The friendship you have was not pure. His motive really was to get under your pants once it's legal. Hoping by that fact you would find it easier to let go and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for this amazing answer I really appreciate it. You made me feel like you read my feelings and thoughts. As you said he wants me to stay pure and not date anyone else. He had the right to do anything but he would fight with me before and after my dance practice. He was the jealous type and if he got jealous he would do anything to hurt me.We're not talking a lot lately and he'as always the first one who talks. I don't like seeing him because it brings back all the feelings I have tried to deny. I used to feel comfortable with him without make up and nice clothes. I would wear anything I want without make up and he'd appreciate it. He had always said that I was beautiful without make up. He would fight with me whenever I tried to look beautiful when I didn't had to see him..We wouldn't be alone when we were together. My friends would always be with us..Most of the time if I show him lack of interest he starts talking with me more and more and starts valueing me .
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 March 2014):
 This is a tricky one. Some guys react very badly to a rejection. Even though he has behaved badly and not considered your feelings, indicating that he is immature. So I need to think about your safety.
Do go with your gut instinct. If you don't feel "right" with him then it is likely that things will only get worse. And you do not need that.
Just in case he feels slighted (he shouldn't since he's seen other girls) by your disinterest.
But some boys can be volatile. They only comprehend if as a betrayal if the girl is unfaithful to him. Not vice a versa. They don't comprehend how hurtful it can be for him to have had many dalliances while promising that he will be more interested when you are "free".
Is that "free to do what he wants?" I don't like the sound of his reasoning.
Such unfaithful boys sometimes want the girl they are keeping "on ice" to stay pure. While they go with any girl they want. A real double standard.
Listen to your gut instinct.
Yes, the strong way is to just say it's "over" but that can trigger a whole lot of problems for you and if you are not ready to handle such aggression then it is better to drift apart. And if he is immature then his reaction may be especially bad after being rejected.
So I suggest a softly softly approach. So start some hobbies. As feminine as possible hobbies. (Silk thread embroidery?) Get heavily involved in the hobbies. If he wants to talk then talk about your hobbies. It will bore him to tears.
If he wants to go somewhere then suggest something that entirely appeals to you but may not appeal to him. Once again it will bore him.
Skip the makeup in his presence and if he complains tell him your skin is too sensitive for makeup right now.
Don't dress up for him.
Make sure your girlfriends join you and spend time talking to them when you do any activity with him for any reason..
Look at your nails as if bored when he starts talking about what he has been doing.
Talk to him about a program on TV or a book you have read recently - where you have a fair idea that it will bore him.
If he complains remind him that you are not 14 any more and that you are growing into being the adult who you will be in the future.
He should get bored, though occasionally demanding and unhappy. If he is smart he will find less and less time to see you.
He should also recognise the technique of breaking up. since guys use it all the time as a way to break with a girl - they just become less available and show little interest in what she is saying.
Stay safe and eventually point out that you both have different interests.
Good luck.
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