A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I would love to have a child somewhere in the near future but we have one problem, we hardly ever have sex.If my period is late he gets all excited but I know that I cant be pregnant because we barely had any sex that month. Take last month for example, we had sex twice, my period was 4 days late and he thought I was and when I told him I wasn't he started to get upset and he lay down beside me and cried saying there must be something wrong with him.I know we both dont have any STD's as I went and got checked but he is unwilling to have a sperm count - I am really worried incase his sperm has a low count( is there any way to increase your sperm count?)Anyway, the main problem is, we dont have enough sex for me to get pregnant. Twice a month is nowhere near enough and it is starting to get me down. I feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore and whenever I say to him about this he says do you not think sex is over rated anyway?How can I tell him we need to have more sex if we want to have a baby?xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): I am really so sorry; I know it must be hurting and it is never easy to let go; I suggest you stop playing taxi and most definetly close the hand with the money;
Don't allow him to use you;
You need to FOCUS on your HAPPINESS and your FUTURE;
You DESERVE more then what you are getting; sometimes relationships do go stale; it is not possible for only one party to rekindle or to make it work;
ALWAYS remember: it takes two to TANGO.
My thoughts are with you;
BE STRONG; best wishes and lots of SMILES
Keep us posted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that.. I think I am just tyring to kid myself that it will work in a way..
I really dunno whats changed, we used to have a great sex life like I said, and for about 2 years we never had any problems like this..
I know if I try and talk to him he'll shout at me or say I am trying to blame everything on him but thats not the case. I just want to find out where I stand.
I have an idea that he no longer cares for me in the same way and he wants us to split up but he doesn't wnat to hurt me and just keeps me around for when he needs me( like for driving somewhere or money etc)
I think I just need to tell him its over really, that way I'll find out if he did care or not..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Okay, you might not like what I am say now; but I am not trying to upset you or hurt you; I am trying to help you to get perspective on your very FRUSTRATING situation;
As I suggested from my first posting; your relationship seems "whobbly"; It now seems more then just "whobbly";
I think your relationship is in trouble;
Yes, I know it hurts and yes, I understand your frustration regarding the NO SEX; but you have to take a look at the BIG PICTURE;
either this guy is seeing somebody else or you two are not SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE;
either way; it will cause you lots of hurt and frustration;
I suggest you need to talk to him; tell him how you feel; in a loving, calm way; I read your postings regarding his comments, but when talking to him about how you feel ask him if it is not possible that you both go for counseling?
Chances are he will refuse; BUT at least give it a try.
NOW, you have to stand back and think for yourself:
If this guy really and truly loved you and cared for your happiness and this relationship; would it not be important to him to see you HAPPY;
Is the relationship not important to him? WHy is he not prepared to work on it?
Does he not value your needs? Does he not care about how his attitude and lack of sex is affecting you and the relationship?
You have to avoid falling pregant at this stage; You honestly cannot hope that a baby will change things or get you closer; because it won't; it will make matters worse;
YOu have to decide if you want to stay in a relationship like this;
I know it is not easy; BUT, I urge you think about your FUTURE;
If this guy is not prepared to do something about the problem; I am afraid, then you have no choice; you will have to MOVE ON; then there is no future for this relationship;
Yes, I know it sounds harsh; but that is a reality; as is you are suffering with sexual frustration; unless you get professional help and he does something about this problem; things will just get worse;
Many marriages ends in divorce because of sexual compatibility; You have to DECIDE about YOUR FUTURE.
You have to make the choice! My thoughts are with you.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain lastnight I tried to initiate sex.. Again, NONE!!
It is really really annoying now!! I swear I am getting sexually frustrated.
I really can understand if he doesn't want a child just now and I have got the pill so there isn't much chance of having one right now so why wont he have sex with me!!!???
I swear I will crack up soon!!
I even asked him lastnight why he wont and he said "does it really matter" and I said yes and he said "well thats not my problem!"
Well, I ended up going home in tears and I was choking to text him saying there is either something wrong with you or there is someone else but I held back as I knew what would happen if I did..
I really dont know what to do any more!!
I NEED SEX!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I repeat from my first posting; I think your relationship is a little "whobbly"; I suggest you concentrate on the realtionship for now; Please, do not try and fall pregnant untill your relationship is more on track; i suggest you talk to your boyfriend and if need be you should consider profesional help; ask your doctor to refer you to a good counselor;
A baby is a huge responsibility; a pregnancy and a baby will add extra strain to your all ready troubled relationship;
Think carefully about this relationship; I suggest you do some "stock taking"; are you happy?
Remember you have to be happy; you deserve the best;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have absolutely no idea!! I had an inkling that he resented me but again not sure why..
He never used to seem put of by sex but now hes just went all weird on me!!
We used to have sex upto about 4/5 times a day until about 3/4 months ago .. maybe longer?
I don't really know what his problem is anymore, he said that HE wanted a child and when we thought I was pregnant he was over the moon, it was when I got my period and found out I wasnt he started in a way blocking me out but then after a few weeks things went back to normal..
I really dunno what to do with all the rejection either.. every night I try and initiate sex yet every night I end up at home with my dildo.. I'm really getting sick of it but I am afraid to say..
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 It is better for the woman but he knows you fake it?
So faking is good?
He has issues, don't know what, resentment against women in general perhaps?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 July 2008):
I think he has problems in the relationship and again I would advise you to really work on getting those fixed before bringing a child into it.
I very much doubt it is something you are doing that makes him not enjoy sex. Perhaps he has issues about feeling dirty, or insecure so he can't enjoy it properly.
I think you need to have counselling and get yourselves sorted before you get pregnant.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has agreed that if we want a baby we need to have more sex, I'm still not sure if he wants this though as he said "well it always seems better for the woman" and that he doesn't get as much pleasure out of it.
I'm really worried incase its something I'm doing wrong and I keep thinking maybe we shouldn't have sex that much anymore and that he's right.
He also said to me lastnight that he knows I "fake it" - This is completely untrue as I have never faked it before in my life with him!!
I really dunno what to do, I've always really enjoyed sex but our talk lastnight has seemed to put me off..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): ok sweety,if he wants to have a baby,just sit him down and explain to him what it takes to have a bay,twice in 1 month,thats not going to get you anywere,so just be patient with him(bcuz men r coocoo...lol)and explain if he really wants a child,u have to do what it takes,and the whole thing about you thinking that he is not attracted to you,no,thats all in your mind,if u gies love eachother,and want to be a family,hes going to love you regardles,just sit him down and explain,we need to have sex,to have a baby!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (15 July 2008):
Actually, all the sex that is required for a baby is ONCE.
Hell, pre-cum is enough.
Be honest, you need more fucking for the sake of being fucked. Nothing wrong with that but if you say it is just for the baby then once you are pregnant he can stop right? And doesn't have to again until it is time to get a brother or sister for the first?
Sexual incompatibilty is a major reason for relationships to break up and it ain't always the tv classic of the husband wanting it and the wife not. Would you really be happy with a man who in his sexual prime only wants it twice a month?
I also got to question his motives for having a kid. Does he REALLY want to start a family, or does he want to proof he is a ferile, hetero, male? The hetero is especially important here. Is he?
The fact that a young male with willing female would say something like "don't you think sex is over-rated" suggest to me he is so gay he could have a parade all by himself. This ain't normal behavior for a man.
Take a long hard look at how he behaves towards you and other women and what exactly his motivations are for being with you and wanting a baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): You should really be sure this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and that the two of you are capable of making it work. is marriage in your future with him? A baby is a lot of joy but it also is a lot of work, and it's a lot harder if you have to do alone. I hope the two of you work it out and good luck on getting pregnant! I got pregnant very quickly so i know it's possible. If the two of you are suppose to have this baby now then it will happen, just pray and wait, and when it happens you will see that the timing could not have been more perfect. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): I don't know how long you have been together; or why it is so important for you to have a baby yet; by the sounds of it; your relationship is a little "whobbly"; why do I say that; you have difficulty communicating with him; and it sounds as if you are not totally sexually compatible; will you be happy and satisfied with so little or maybe even less sex for the rest of your life; as his attitude about it, from your description; it seems as if he is happy with the way things are;
Falling pregnant is one thing; but raising a child is a huge responsiblity; are you ready for that?
Okay sorry did not mean to lecture; just want to make sure you are ready and sure about this;
Some women take longer to fall pregnant then others;
a variety of factors can reduce a couples fertility:
Smoking; drinking to much alcohol; illness; worry,stress, anxiety(especially to have a baby)
It is also better to avoid a hot bath before intercourse;
It will be good to establishe your more fertile days; remember conception is possible two or three days before and after ovulation;
A natural product that is often recommended to males to increase libido and fertility is "ZINC" ; You do get zinc supplements for sale in pharmacies without a prescription;
You can consult your doctor and ask him to prescribe a fertility drug to you;
If after one year, no success; consult your doctor to check for physical problems;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 July 2008):
Well then if it's your problem and you know you want a baby and you know you are hurting him then take a deep breath and just tell him.
Either that or suggest that "since you don't like having sex with me" you should go and buy one of those gadgets that tell you when you are at your most fertile. You can get them from Boots.
I still think you are mad for deliberately choosing to commit to man who is not going to keep you happy or satisfied in the bedroom. That kind of thing is important to me.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Nessie Jay  +, writes (15 July 2008):
Hey. I'm not a medical professional or anything, but it's actualy extremely likely to become pregnant even if it's your first time let alone only once or twice a month.
Also I think it helps when both partners are more relaxed? Stress can do all sorts of things to your body. Try to do somthing romantic once everynow and then instead of stressing about getting pregnant, who knows what the night will lead to.
Last but not least if your partner does have a low sperm count, and you will not know for sure until he gets it checked. These days we have the wonderful invention of Ivf, so dont give up your hopes just yet.
Best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionemilyanswers, he can talk to me, i find it difficult to talk to him though, I get like this quite alot, I just close up and take a while to get things out but the come out eventually (like 2 days 2 late!!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes but I still think we need to have sex more than twice a month if I was to get pregnant, we normally have it after my period then about 2 weeks after that.
I dont know what happened we were having sex every day until about 6 months ago when he just stopped and everytime i tried to initiate it he would turn a blind eye.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 July 2008):
If you are planning to stay with this guy for the rest of time by linking yourself to him through a child.... do you not think it's a good idea that you should feel loved and attractive? Should he not be willing to face up to problems rather than just sticking his head in the sand and then crying about it?
I don't think this guy is anywhere near ready enough to have kids if he can't even talk to you like an adult.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Kissies4ubaby +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I got pregnant with my son after one time having sex, its doesnt take a lot of time to happen but if you are regularly having sex it is more likely to happen of course. Dont rush it, what will be will be. If you really really want a child then have fun trying to get pregnant. Various things can make sperm count low, tell your boyfriend to avoid smoking and drinking too much, these are all contributors. eating a healthy diet will help, lots of spinach.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (15 July 2008):
 More sex is good, and this is something you may need to work on with him - but it's NOT a case of "more sex gets you pregnant".
In fact, less sex but getting the timing exactly right is far more likely to get you pregnant than more sex - particularly if his sperm count is low.
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