A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now and love her lots but i am paranoid she is going to cheat on me even though i don't think she is like that. Its more because she is 7 years younger than me and im new to the city we live in and she has more friends here than me Hence she goes out more. I want to marry this lady one day but how do i stop my mind telling me this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 March 2011):
If you don't feel safe, identify if the problem lies with you feeling insecure, or with you not knowing where you have your girlfriend. If the problem is you are not sure of who your girlfriend really is, you need more time to get to know her, you need to work on communication, and building up trust, or finding out that perhaps she's not the one for you.
If the problem lies with you: rationalize your thoughts. Has she given you any reason to not trust her? No? Remind yourself of that. Do you trust her? Yes? Remember that you trust her. Is her age really significant in this? If her age posed a high risk why did you choose to be in a relationship with her?
Those thoughts that come creeping into your head are normal as we are all scared of loosing the ones we love, and when we put our hearts out there it is so easy to get hurt. Love is a risk you take. But it will always be a risk, and there will never be any guarantee. You will worry about this with your girlfriend, and any other girlfriend you get in the future. Come to terms with it: is this a risk you are willing to take, or is relationships not for you?
Also identify if the fears you get into your mind come from real problems, or made up problems. Such as her age. Is her age REALLY a cause for concern? Don't people cheat at all ages, and stay faithful at all ages? Doesn't cheating have to do with ones personality rather than age? Does cheating really have anything to do with how often you go out, or how many friends you have? You know it doesn't. A person who stays at home all day while you are at work is just as likely to cheat with the mailman or neighbor or whomever that come drop by when you're not around. No friends, and no social life, is no guarantee there won't be cheating. Just the same going out and meeting friends is not posting a higher risk of cheating. Either a person is a cheater or they are not. A non cheater can take any temptation and brush it off with ease.
Once you rationalize your thoughts you can come to feel better and stop worrying because you will realize that your fears are either unrealistic and just a sign of you feeling insecure about a new city, or you can come to find that you do not trust your girlfriend, and that perhaps your relationship with her is not as great as you want it to be.
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