A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:how can I stop making men my world - example - I have a bad crush on a coworker - he is taken - and I know that it will not Work - my conscious self realizes he might not be a great catch but I am really attracted to him sexually so much that my moods revolve around his moods - if he is happy I’m happy if he is mad or offends me I get upsetHow can I stop ? I always do this with men and it’s wrong- I have been told I have an obsessive personality - meaning if I like something that is all I talk or think about Can someone help - I literally work with this person so it’s not like I can’t see him everyday - we sit next to each other - he is a moody man so sometimes he is rude sometimes he flirts etc . I think we both have a attraction so it is awesome when he flirts because I truly love the attention; I don’t believe I genuinely like him because he talks a lot of trash about his gf and other coworkers but I still care about what he does and think about it all the timeI try to be busy with working and going out - gym etc but he is in my mind - I always ruminate - help! I don’t want to make men my world - I have tried other hobbies but I just want to stop this If anyone has tips please let me know
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018): you know this guy is not for you. That's not the issue
The issue is why do you like and obsess over his flirtations?
I think the issue at hand is feed by the addictive feelings
You experience that produced dopimine and endorphins.
Your " relationship" although disfunctional is addictive.
You're have to be intentional to stop and replace
The activity with something else.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 February 2018):
 Well, CBT/CT might help you get the tools to be IN control, not your ruminations.
(Cognitive Behavior Therapy )(Cognitive therapy (CT))
You can try and google those terms and see if there are any "DIY"- or self-help books on the subject you can try out if therapy is something you can't afford.)
While I personally don't think it's AWESOME that he flirts with you and talk trash about his partner - pretty shitty behavior for a guy with a partner to do, you obviously enjoy it - so maybe there is a lack of attention in your life as well?
How is your social circle OUTSIDE work?
How do you feel about yourself and your life?
http://tinagilbertson.com/rumination/
There is plenty of material out there online to get you started. But there is no magic word to stop you from doing it - it takes WORK - from you.
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