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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: It is so easy for me to have feelings for someone that I'm kind of scared being too influenced by this...I don't really like group social gatherings much, and would prefer one on one talk. The problem is, once I have a really good communication (like it can go on for hours without running out of things to say) and some chemistry (basically it always happened) , boom I'm attracted to this guy. This affection wouldn't stay long normally, but for a few days/few weeks/1 or 2 months it would haunt me fairly bad. how can I stop this I'm genuinely troubled. Sometimes that guy would give me signs and I would take them too seriously. Thank you Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 July 2019):
 Dial down your expectations and learn to SIMPLY just enjoy a good conversation. Having a GREAT conversation with a guy doesn't automatically mean that HE would be good match for you or vice verse. All it REALLY means is that you are BOTH able to hold a conversation.
While I don't see anything wrong in long deep and involved conversations, you might want to work on talking to more people at social gathering, shorter and less intense conversations. IF you aren't "good" at social events, but great at one on one, then PRACTICE what you aren't "good" at.
I don't think it's "abnormal" to be EXCITED during and after having had a great conversation with someone, so I think you need to NOT beat yourself up on that account, but LETTING it affect you for WEEKS/MONTHS afterwards.. it's a little intense.
It's a little like obsessive rumination. There’s no easy “off” switch for obsessive thinking. It takes work. EVERY time you begin to go over the conversation and the guy you had it with, you need to need to work on saying (to yourself) YES, that was a good conversation and that is that. To not let yourself get caught in a "loop" so to speak where you create a fantasy build on that ONE conversation. Where you go from GREAT conversation to "this MUST be love".
LOVE takes time, not a long or a few long conversations and then "boom" there is love.
Giving you signs or hints are USELESS - if a GUY is interested or YOU are interested don't RELY on signs or hints. Same goes for flirtations. A guy might "give you signs" (or so you think) because he is flirting with you, but for some flirting is just a "nice game" or banter and NOT to be taken serious.
Try and learn to not take things SO serious. A great conversation doesn't HAVE to be more than JUST that, a great conversation.
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