A
female
age
30-35,
*roofroo22
writes:I'm 23 and my whole life, I've been cautious of who I get intimate with. I had always wanted to be intimate with a boyfriend if I ever had sex and I don't get into relationships for the sake of being in a relationship. It's not often that I get a boyfriend because I want to really like him and see a future with him, or else, I'd just be imprisoning the guy in a relationship that wastes his time/energy/emotions, and that's not fair. I had the need to want to finally have sex though and felt I was living my 20s in a shell of caution and looking at my earlier years and seeing I hadn't done much because of it. I felt I would regret it if I didn't enjoy my young days with a little more free-ness. I wanted to finally take risks and live life! I slept with one guy, and then found out he had a girlfriend, so I moved onto another guy, my current crush. I didn't tell him my intentions, as I wasn't even sure myself, but I just lived it day by day. We ended up becoming sex-buddies and now... I care what he thinks of me.He's treating me like any guy treats a sex-buddy and it's kind of making me feel a way about myself that I've never ever felt: value-less. I feel like he just thinks of me as a whore or a girl that's worth nothing, even though we have intellectual conversations, I show him my caring side, my fun side, my family-orientedness and ambitious side. He doesn't care. He just thinks of me as some kind of bimbo and it hurts. I don't think I'll see him anymore.I cant just turn off my feelings, but I do have to change my mind-set about this. How can I stop caring? I feel like some kind of "dirty whore" when I know inside that I am not one. (I don't even believe in the word "slut" but you get my point) I shouldn't be ashamed of having wanted to go outside my shell with sex for a short amount of time and just be young and free for once. I even told him this after the first had sex and I STILL feel like he thinks I'm a whore. He's even mentioned once that he likes treating me like a toy.How can I stop caring what he thinks of me? Is there anyway I can repair my image in his eyes? :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): Hi Honeypie! I didnt mean imprisoning a guy in a relationship in that way, haha, It's my fault I wrote it that way. I meant to say that, if i'm not into a guy i'm dating or if i dont see a future with him, I'd rather not lead the guy on, and waste his time and feelings when he could be spending those time and feelings on a girl that loves him a lot more than I would. I tend to be content in being single than leadig a man on and being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. And because i take my time and and am careful about who i make my boyfriend, i stay sexless for a while, and thats what made me want to have a casual thing. I hope that made better sense. BUT anyways, thank you very much for your response!!! I agree with your good advice. Have a good rest of your day!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 March 2017):
 I don't think you can change how he sees you. But you CAN change how you SEE yourself, how you TREAT yourself.
You are NOT a dirty whore or slut for having had an ONS and now a casual relationship, but if YOU BELIEVE that sex is part of a RELATIONSHIP not just something you "give" away to any Tom, Dick or Harry then you NEED to start sticking to your standards. Which means... YOU END it with your sex-Buddy. You tell him that you don't feel like you can continue, that casual sex really isn't what you want. That you wish him well and then you STOP talking to him. If he still tries to get you to meet up for sex, yo uBLOCK him. IF by chance HE wants more? Then you ask to RESET what you got going and start going on NON-sexual dates so you can get to know one another - but I wouldn't hold my breath for him to want to date you.
I doubt he thinks you are a "whore". After all ISN'T he having casual sex too? Which means by definition he is as MUCH a "whore" as you are... (which by the way you are NOT).
YOU are young and still need to define your boundaries, your values, your standards.
You have TRIED casual, and THAT didn't feel right to you. So what's next?
Having a relationship is NOT "imprisoning" a guy. A relationship is TWO people who BOTH WANT to BE with each other, be exclusive, be faithful and SHARE things, feelings, emotions and mutual CARE for each other.
So KNOCK that notion out of your head that having a relationship is somehow equal to " imprisoning the guy". Because that is ridiculous. (UNLESS you lock him up in your basement chained to a wall...)
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